I have False Refuges

Mar 5, 2024Archive, blog

So much I’m learning in this season.

My anxiety has quadrupled, it seems.

I’m learning how I have chased after false refuges.

Finances: when all is well, they bring peace. When they’re in flux, my stomach roils.

Home: it’s typically been my place of peace and retreat, but some recent circumstances have caused way too much anxiety.

Church: a perennial refuge for decades, but now I’m working through loss and pain related to the very body that brought such a deep feeling of home.

Health: the stress has brought issues, and I realize health-as-refuge is a moving target.

The Lord reminded me of this verse I memorized in college. God’s nearness is what I need. It’s what brings goodness my way. The psalmist has made a decision, first by being near to God, but second by making God his refuge. It’s a choice. It’s a pursuit.

I have made finances, home, church, and health my refuge, and they have shifted and disappointed me. Forgive me, God, for running to lesser things. That pursuit had left me in panic. Today I deliberately choose You as my refuge. Please provide for us. Please restore our home’s haven-like qualities. Please help us find a healthy church home. Please heal my rollicking stomach.

But mostly? Be my refuge, the place I run to.