I love the honesty of Laura Schauer’s post! Please welcome her today!
I do not like to write. I do not want to author a book. Experts advise that I need to write for therapeutic release. My legalistic self barely allows any other reading than the Scriptures. Composition that benefits my plight may I ingest. The bottleneck from my heart to my head to my hand is emotionally constipating. Too many thoughts. Too many avenues to examine. Too much reflection.
I stop and think. I do not like to think. I like to work. I like to help others. Writing seems selfish and reflective. Why would I want to reflect and castigate? I have walked a narrow, restrictive, isolated path causing generational repercussions to my offspring. A stubborn path of error clinging to what I believed to be right. Aberrational teachings. I know by speaking those who still adhere ridicule me. I was not faithful to the end. May not have been resolute with endurance. Allowed circumstances to overcome.
The claw is now removed from my brain by burning the years of notebooks with the apostle’s teachings, penned by my friend. Both her ashes and the notebooks rest appropriately in my backyard. It is okay. The destruction is reverberating. I qualify for seven Christian recovery groups. Father, I ask, please crush me. He does, with His kindness. I need to write.
I am not retreating. I am advancing. I plead with a kind, gentle, grace-filled mentor to help me in my quandaries. She responds with wisdom.
Start with today.
Remember who God is today.
Helping my son study his spelling, he stumbles on the meaning of the word, deem, to judge. I explain to him we are deemed on Earth, but God, being rich in mercy redeemed us through His Son. The word resonates through my heart. I recall the Psalms, words written, chapters I memorized decades ago. Psalm 103, verse four, ‘who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with loving-kindness and compassion.’
Today my word is redeemed.