Tell the truth? Or keep it in? What’s your advice?

Jun 17, 2011Heal from the past

An anonymous commenter commented on My Family Secrets recently. I thought I’d share his response and ask your opinion. What should he do?

Thank you very much for sharing your story.
It sounds very much like mine.
I am German, and at age 27 I found out who my real father was, an uncle of mine, to whom I always felt quite close and his children.

I was a drug addict and alcoholic for may years and didn’t have the courage to ask questions. Finally with 27 years i went into treatment and 19 years later now am still clean and sober, have a lovely wife and 2 healthy children.
In treatment i started talking about a lot of things and obvioulsy the father issue was a big part.
I confronted my mother about it, who broke down in tears. She never told anyone, neither my other sister , nor her husband, who i always thought was my father. She was in denial about it all my life and pretends until today that it never happenend.
When I confronted her I asked her if she wants to tell my sister, but she refused and said, she doesn’t see it as lying, no one has asked her about it….strange way of seeing it but thats how she sees it. I have decided to tell my sisters as I don’t want to liv e a lie, which felt good.
Over the years now I have come to terms with the whole thing and have also forgiven my 84 year old mom. recently She has been to hospital and somehow I suddenly feel this urge to talk to her about it, and ask her how she is doing with it, and if she doesn’t want to share her sectret with the rest of her children. but I don’t know if i should leave it, and accept it as she is quite old and would leave more damage than healing. I don’t know what to do……