I don’t know why the dentist chair lends itself to hearing God’s voice, but again, I experienced His guidance and insight while gazing at a white ceiling, my feet in the air. I lamented the fact that when we moved to France, I didn’t feel ready. I didn’t know if I wanted to go, really. But in that wavering, I prayed a lot, sought advice, and continued forward.
I used to beat myself up over not being gung-ho when we flew to a new missionary life.
But sitting in the dentist chair, God reminded me of Gethsemane. Jesus didn’t want to have to go through the cross–the agony, the pain, the betrayal. He had those same feelings I had of “I don’t really want to go through this.” Of course, I’m simplifying things, and Jesus’ obedience is on a far higher plane than mine. But it comforted me that He was reticent. And yet, at the end of his wrestling, He declared, “Not My will, but Yours be done.”
So maybe, just maybe, my not feeling ready for France was not a defeat or an indictment of me. Maybe it was a test of my obedience. After all, it would be easy to step out into a new venture for Jesus if I was ecstatic about it. Realizing this salves my heart and silences the self-condemnation I often listen to. I had a hard time going to France, but I went anyway. Glory be to God.
How about you? What is your Gethsemane? What is it that you’re facing that you flat out don’t want to do? Go forward in obedience, smiling at the thought that you are following in some pretty big steps.