0018b – Patrick DeMuth

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We interrupt Restory Show’s regular schedule to bring you a surprise interview with my favorite person: my husband Patrick. In this episode, you’ll learn more about him, how we met Christ (and later, me), what kind of adventures we’ve been on, and how we’re doing now during this season of joblessness.

I’m really excited to share him with you. He’s a man of great wisdom, and he loves Jesus.

I pray his words bless you!

If you’d like to help the Restory Conference see the light of day (or if you’d like to go!), click here. If you’re not in the DFW area, you can also purchase a virtual ticket for $25 where you’ll get the video files of the conference. You can also just donate to the cause if you’d prefer. Simply click the pink button BACK IT and choose however much you want to give.

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If you’d be so kind, would you share the tweet below?

  • SuAnTu

    Mary and Patrick Demuth, I am in awe of the discovery of you both and would like to share and ask about my situation, being married to a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by mother supposedly so very impossible. We have been married 47 years and sought help from a chaplain before my husband left the active military when we had our baby son and toddler daughter, I about 25, he about 28. After one meeting a most shocking and horrifying thing happened, the man committed suicide. As my only attempt to really reach out and question where we should settle, get along after my mothers death from cancer at 46 and husband’s and my desire to start a new life away from parents, I shut down once again. My husband would not reveal his sexual abuse to me until he reached 70 and I had found a lovely nursing home for his demented and often cruel mother where she was safely ensconced for life at 93. How can I stomach the many affairs and broad infidelities, long side relationships he hid from me beneath an exterior of quiet demeanor, loving and nice personality, reliable financial support as self employed professional of our small family, children and grandchildren, always and totally. His sense of humor has always been good. He had another passionate rebellious side he did not share with me. I have always loved love but was stable through decades of attendance at AA meetings Bible study friendships.and the freedom (encouragement) he gave me to visit my brothers. When I was 40 he had an obvious affair and wanted me to mend my ways or he would leave me. I recognized the alcoholism and dove wholeheartedly into the program bringing me closer to God and truth than I ever was. It must have enabled me to go back to school and not obsess about him and give him gentle respect and ability enjoy life no matter what which I always prayed for. He stopped drinking 15 years ago but never the relationships which he said gave him love for which he was always looking since he “didn’t have a mother”. I always knew how very cruel she was but we lived 10 states away and I never realized the full extent. He came to name his problem recently with a women he spent several years with in daytime who was also abused by father. I have read so much been burning with emotional pain and want to feel free of this. We have a couples therapist, he two survivors weekends one coming up and one for couples coming up. He says I am everything to him. As I face our retirement years, he had a recent heart stent placed, I am in agony at least once a day as I realize all the fun things he did with the others. I don’t know what to do. Our first couples therapist full of love died in a car crash after a year with us. I do feel that the devil wants us down and out. This I believe happens when one gets closer to God.

    • Mary DeMuth

      SuAn, I’m so sorry you’ve walked through such a minefield of pain. That’s a lot of stress and sadness to walk through. I do hope you find a good counselor who can walk alongside you, helping you to see clearly what’s next and how to move forward.

      Jesus, shed light on this marriage. May truth and repentance and honesty reign. Be the stable rock they can stand on. Renew them. Restore them. Give them hope. Amen.

      • SuAnTu

        Mary DeMuth, I have needed and felt the strength of your prayer. Praise God. Here is a woman who has come to America, Lowell Massachusetts, this spring and will be back in October. She has a real handle on it and gives healing help. God is the Most High and Greatest and I thank you for your prayer. I have sent it to my husband’s email so he can learn about you. You are a Special Blessing. The following is description of Sue Cox who we spent a 2 day seminar with and she will return for a conference in October to this area again. A strong woman doing 12th step work. “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity.” (step 2 AA, strong spiritual program of the Highest Power) Su

        Sue Cox – Survivors Voice Europe

        Childhood Sexual abuse by clergy causes brain damage

        All childhood abuse is a criminal travesty and the effects and
        ramifications are wide- reaching across families, communities and even
        through generations. It pervades our individual and global conscience as
        a crime against the very nature of the human condition – but what are
        the long-term effects on a survivor of abuse?

        How are survivors REALLY affected?

        What effect does trauma of this nature have on an individual? Psychologically and biologically?

        Survivors Voice is involved in a collaborative project with SMART-UK
        where we explore, research, and teach the neuro-biology of childhood
        trauma.

        The psychological effects of childhood abuse are well documented and
        contain some very worrying statistics, but we do feel that by and large
        the effects of clergy abuse are widely under-estimated and sometimes
        even trivialised.

        There are many opinions about the effect of abuse, many ideas for it’s
        treatment, all based on experience or education or personal involvement.
        Nothing wrong with opinions of course, it is how we learn to survive.
        Not so helpful, however when you are trying to find consistency, or
        indeed educate.Often we find that people will do the wrong things,
        despite them being very much for the right reasons.

        Our understanding of Childhood clergy abuse, goes underneath all of
        those opinions and sticks with the biology.We explore, research and
        teach the neuro-biology of trauma.

        We know that if you have a thorough understanding of something, you have a greater chance of effective intervention.

        We are aware that that commonly people who have been abused will experience:

        Shock-disclosure in later life can be as raw as when it happened.

        * Fear of the Dark

        * Fear of Intimacy

        * Fear of Sexuality

        * Feeling alone-rejected

        * Fear of change

        * Fear of doctors, priests,authority, that list is endless.

        * Panic attacks

        * Body Dysmorphia

        * Addictions,

        * Physical pain

        * Obsessive / Compulsive issues

        * Self harm

        * Eating disorders

        * Deeply damaged trust mechanisms

        * Suicidal tendencies

        Anger, Shame, Guilt, Loneliness, Isolation, unworthiness, poor coping
        mechanisms, inability to self nurture, flashbacks etc. etc. this list
        could go on and on.

        And when the abuser is a trusted person like a clergyman, then the effects are further compounded.

        That there are symptoms which are common to abuse victims is clear,
        they vary from person to person and can range from a fear of the dark to
        a full blown mental illness.All of these symptoms are , however, the
        manifestations of what is going on within the brain.

        The human brain is the most complex structure in the known universe.
        It controls everything about us, our breathing our heartbeat, our
        thought processes, memory, feelings and our behaviour. It is made up of
        100,000,000,000 neurons and at least as many other cells which help
        brain the function.These cells communicate with each other such that the
        number of connections in a single brain outnumber the total number of
        atoms in the known universe.

        The major pathways and functional units of the brain is under genetic
        control and are formed before birth ;however, synaptic connections are
        shaped and sculpted by individual experience , forming the structure for
        memory and learned behaviour.Every emotion we feel, every thought we
        have spring from the workings of the brain.

        When pathways experience repetitive stimulation or trauma, those
        pathways become “entrained” This is called Long Term Potentiation. Part
        of the brain has permanently changed it’s function. Once entrained it
        can no longer go back, it is a permanant physical change. This is the
        mechanism for “triggers” , the brain has learned the experience of
        profound trauma, and what caused it, and these persistent memories are
        potentiated.

        So if someone experiences or even thinks about something reminiscant
        of that trauma, then those pathways are very quickly reactivated again
        due to Long term potentiation.

        The human brain doesn’t come “complete” at birth, it is only
        partially wired, the rest gets moulded by the environment and life
        experiences. Some parts of the brain are not fully connected until our
        late twenties and early thirties.

        It seems obvious therefore that the effects of abuse will have a
        permanant effect on the brain and consequently on the persons we are.

        The implications of our research are massive, and we continue to
        study and teach this in our “Brains Bombs and Baddies” courses for
        professionals.

        * There is long term potentiation of neural pathways

        * Abuse will damage the Amygdala and the Hippocampus

        * It will raise glucocortisoids, and therefore perpetuate the damage

        * It is possible that stem cells in the brain resposible for very low level of neurogenesis suffer

        * It even suggests that those who suffer childhood trauma like sexual abuse may have shorter life spans.

        The work done by therapists and treatment approaches can be very
        effective, and so one should not feel despair at the severity of this
        issues,but it is crucial to have a proper understanding of it in order
        to make any real headway with any person’s recovery.

        The severity of childhood sexual abuse by the clergy is far reaching,
        can be life limiting and indeed life threatening. It is essential that
        the enormity of clergy abuse is understood by everyone concerned with
        abuse survival, and the wider public so that correct and appropriate
        interventions can be accessed, but also so that these criminal acts
        should be acknowleged and given the correct persepective.

        So what price brain damage?

        What price Loss of potential?

        What price a distorted life path

        What price a shortened life?

        Sue Cox

        Survivors Voice Europe

        http://www.survivorsvoice-europe.org