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Personal Retreat

Oklahoma City, OK

Date: January 06 - January 09

marydemuth

When someone hurts you, you can't control what the

When someone hurts you, you can't control what the person will do or say (or whether they'll threaten or abandon), but you always, always have access to God.

Remember, God IS a relationship. He is Father, Son and Spirit in one person. He created humankind because of the beauty and glory of relationship. Who better to come alongside us when our relationships sour than the One who perfected relationship in Himself?

This throne we approach is a throne of grace, not condemnation.

If you're particularly hurt by a condescending person, you can run to the One who understands and offers affectionate grace. You have complete access to God, and you have the power to pray at any moment, even quietly under your breath during an argument. Here are some of the prayers I've prayed during relational difficulties.

Jesus, help me listen better and not react with a mean spirit. Keep me from retaliating in kind.

Jesus, I need to know You see me in the midst of this conflict. Am I going crazy?

Jesus, I choose to forgive again. Empower me.

Jesus, show me whether I should pull away or pursue reconciliation right now.

Jesus, I'm hurting. Can you bring new bits of healing to my heart?

Jesus, I don't know what to say. Give the words I can say that will bring the most understanding.

Jesus, I'm confused. Bring clarity.

Jesus, help me to see the long view of this.

Jesus, help me to hold my tongue.

Jesus, help me to hear what is being said behind my friend's emotion.

Praying rightly puts the burden onto God's capable shoulders. Your heart and mind aren't meant to carry all that heartache around.

I worry that many who are reading this are carrying something God never intended them to carry.

Let go.

Place your broken relationship in the hands of Jesus. This is the one thing you CAN control.

In my book, The Most Misunderstood Women of the Bi

In my book, The Most Misunderstood Women of the Bible, I had the privilege of highlighting many women who had been seldom preached about, preached out poorly (Bathsheba is not a temptress), or never ever studied. The Bible is populated by extraordinary women—something I learned when I started the practice of rapid reading the Bible in two or three months.

But even more neglected, it seems, are women in church history. Most likely this is because a great majority of writing on these histories comes from Western men. (We also don’t hear a lot of non-Western church mothers and fathers as well).

As you know, I teach a writing intensive outside of Geneva at @YwamBurtigny every year, and each year we do a Reformation Tour in Geneva. When you come to the reformation wall, you see these gigantic Sarumen-like statues of the reformers looming over you. After seeing them several times, I began to feel lonely. Were there only men in this movement?

And that’s when I discovered Marie Dentiere on a random monolith many paces away from the looming stares of the reformers. She’s the only woman in this garden. She came from Belgium, married a young priest, and preached about the tenets of the reformation. Apparently, she even spoke of the importance of women playing a role in the church (something that was not popular, unsurprisingly).

So I snapped this shot. Marie et Mary, both hoping, no doubt, to make a difference in the lives of others.

I believe we’ll be very surprised in the New Heavens and the New Earth. Those with platforms or statues may end up paling in comparison to those who quietly carried out the work of the gospel. I think it will be much like Jesus’ upside down acknowledgements—he went out of his way to dignify and platform the marginalized, the broken, the unseen, the hurting—many of whom were women.

Women do matter in the kingdom of God. And our contributions are seen by the One who matters.

Sometimes we need reminded of good news, of restor

Sometimes we need reminded of good news, of restored relationship, of sins forgiven. I know I do. Here’s a prayer for you to start your work week with intention and joy.

For those new to following, here are some random f

For those new to following, here are some random facts about me:

I hate coffee. Blech.

My 47th book releases this fall about reading the Bible in 90 days.

I have three amazing adult kids, @sophiedemuth @aidandemuth & @juliademuth24

I have (barely) climbed one fourteener.

I overthink (ruminate) when a relationship breaks.

I love Jesus.

I have dreamed of opening a bakery!

I love vegetable gardening.

I am a literary agent of 35 authors.

I have a girl cat named Boo Radley.

I wanted to be a singer when I grew up. (I did lead worship when we lived in France).

I speak French-ish.

Despite the carbs, I still really love spaghetti.

I’ve done sprint triathlons and a half marathon (all were hard, and I was happy just to finish).

I love to pray for others.

I am a survivor of much, including sexual abuse, neglect, trauma, parental death, and too much to articulate.

I make a lot of mistakes.

I watch true crime because for whatever odd reason, I am trying to figure out the mind of my deceased father. I still haven’t had an Aha about him, though.

Relational wounds are so hard for me to get over.

I’m growing disillusioned about the mega church model.

I have never taken an art class.

I am happily married to Patrick for 32.5 years.

I keep watching Hillsong documentaries, and I keep getting angry on behalf of the broken.

I’m 56 years old.

I love to preach.

Raspberries off the vine delight me.

I wonder if I am making a kingdom impact. I think about this often.

I don’t like conflict, and I default to fawning (apologizing even when I didn’t do anything wrong) to keep the peace. I’ve lately learned this is a common trauma response.

I enjoy cooking for others.

I am humbled you’ve read this weird list, and I am so grateful for you.

“Should I write that person a letter?” I aske

“Should I write that person a letter?” I asked my husband.

“Why?”

“I feel bad that we are estranged. Maybe there was something else I could do.”

“You’ve done all you could,” he said. “They are unsafe. Do you really want to open yourself back up to someone who doesn’t really like you?”

He was right, of course.

I used to measure the efficacy of my forgiveness with whether or not reconciliation happened. That made me do all sorts of emotional gymnastics, even apologizing for things I didn’t do just so there’d be “reconciliation.” Except that when I did that, I became more doormat than friend.

There are some irreconcilable relationships—even if you’ve done the hard work of forgiveness. If the other person places 100% of the blame on you, never owns what they said or did, and acted harmfully (consistently) toward you, if they continue to harm others without remorse, if they demonize you, if they relentlessly judge or demean you, it’s simply not wise to enter back in.

Choose to forgive, but in that forgiveness, don’t turn off your discernment or wisdom.

If in doubt, ask a very close friend what you should do. They see the situation more clearly, like my husband did for me.

When you choose forgiveness, you simply open the door for the possibility of reconciliation, but it is never a guarantee.

One of the practices that has kept me sane on @twi

One of the practices that has kept me sane on @twitter is to spend a few minutes each month praising people for who they are and what they bring to the world. Because we can get so caught up in building a platform, we forget to acknowledge the contributions of others.
 When you’re constantly asking others to look at me, you forget to serve those who may need some specific encouragement.

Today I feel prompted to write about my friend @triciagoyer .

We have been friends many, many years, so many that we both can’t figure out exactly where we met. But we are so glad we did.

What I love about Tricia: she is productive (as am I). I feel less alone when I’m around her because of this. She is gifted, and she uses her gifts to the uttermost!

She is a beautiful human being with a great big heart. She loves her family and friends LARGE. She is pro-them. She seeks ways to encourage the people in her life.

She is real. She doesn’t gloss over pain in her life. Even recently we had a frank conversation about a difficulty in her life. Her own honesty in that space so encouraged me that I sent her a message thanking her for her vulnerability. It made me feel less alone.

She serves. She considers it a privilege to do so.

She writes and speaks to bring life change.

She has been re-storied and restored, and she longs to see the same in you.

If you don’t follow her already, do so, and be treated to her beautiful heart and sage Jesus-wisdom. She is a woman of valor and character.

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