Wimpy Me

I don’t particularly like learning things about myself I’d rather not face.

But it’s been interesting the past couple of weeks to see the hints of those parts of me come to the surface like ice cubes in a glass.

Here’s the big confession: I’m not much for pain.

I can’t seem to get past three miles in my run. Why? Because it’s hard! I balk at good advice about how I can improve in my speaking. Why? Because it’s easier to stay the way I am. I hate to admit this out loud (and in cyberspace), but if something comes easily to me, I skate along. If someone offers a place for me to improve, I prefer to skate, not delve into why I’m not improving.

Blech.

But I’m learning. Though I don’t enjoy feedback (I know, I should welcome it), I’m disciplining myself to receive it. And heed it. And you know what? I’m growing.

Maybe the reason I stagnate is that I don’t listen. Or I reason away someone’s input. Do you do that? Am I the only one?

Here’s to growth in 2008. Here’s to post-three mile runs. Here’s to improving my speaking, my writing, my parenting, my wifing. Really, if I look at it biblically, I see my inordinate need for community (others giving feedback) and the Holy Spirit (the One who strengthens me to go beyond my capacity with His strength). Those are good things.

Jesus, let me bend my ear to others’ feedback. Give me discernment what to heed, what to noodle on, what to discard. Help me to grow beyond my own perceived limitations into that faith plain where I’m beyond my own strength and I need You. Move in me. Change me. Help me to push through the pain of discipleship so I can grow closer to You. Give me holy gumption, a listening wherewithal, a God-breathed grit. And let it be all for You, not my glory, not to point to my capabilities. May it be all about Your amazing ability to transform, not my ability to follow. Amen.

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