Letting go of friendships

Dec 2, 2011Find joy today

I wonder if it’s a flaw or a virtue that I can’t seem to let go of a waning friendship. I still think about a friend of mine from college days who I’ve lost touch with. I’ve tried to relocate her, to connect with her, but I can’t find her. And I wonder if she wants to be found. She held a profound role in my growth, and I’m still sad we can’t connect.

I look over photo albums from the past and marvel that people who used to play a huge, dynamic role in my life are now acquaintances. Or in no relationship whatsoever. How does this happen?

I probably believed that common phrase from yearbook’s past. “Never change. Always stay the same.” But the fact is, folks change. I change. Circumstances change. Lives redirect. Folks move away.

Yet, I can’t let go. I spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about why things changed, what I did to orchestrate the change in relationship, and how I can remedy it.

As I’ve thought about this a lot over the past few days, I’ve sensed God say, “It’s time to let go.” But I don’t want to. Relationships define me. And if they’re out of whack or different, that rocks my foundations and messes with my paradigm.

I need to come to that place of rest in Jesus’ arms, to revel in His relationship over all others, and realize that in heaven my dysfunctional relationships here will be completed and bettered. There may not be resolution on this earth. Misunderstanding and hurt feelings may remain. But in the light of Jesus on those streets of gold, all will be reconciled, or at least understood.

By God’s grace, by gritting my teeth, I will choose to let go. To not be tied to relationships that God has moved me on from. Isn’t that disobedience anyway? To cling to that which God has moved or changed? Our great forward-beckoning God calls us onward, to cease looking back and revel in the relationships right smack dab in front of us. Those people need our full hearts. They don’t need our sadness over what once was. They need us present, loving, in the moment.

How about you? Is it hard to let go of a waning friendship? Any advice for me?