Tricia Goyer: Generation NeXt Marriage

Today, I’m privileged to have Tricia Goyer here at RelevantBlog discussing marriage and her latest book, Generation NeXt Marriage. Before we go on, I must mention a few things about Tricia.
  1. She is crazy. But in the funnest sort of way.
  2. She is tenacious. She writes a lot and writes well.
  3. She is definitely someone who loves her family.
  4. She is passionate about Jesus.

You can meet Tricia here. And then buy her book here.

By the way, these are MY questions, not a canned interview. I think you’ll find her words interesting and enjoyable.
What single thing has sustained and improved your marriage the most?
Getting rid of unrealistic expectations, and considering John’s needs above mine. Okay, that’s two things, but they’re very important. The closer I get to God, the more He points out my selfishness, which is the root of all problems in marriage.

How have you dealt with times of discouragement (when one spouse is discouraged, or both) in your marriage?

John has two modes: happy and optimistic or tired … there is no middle ground. When he is tired or discouraged, I know he needs rest! I cut back on our schedule, I let him sleep in, I spend time with him, and I baby him. Believe me, it makes life much easier! When I’m discouraged, John knows to give me space. I get “fueled up and encouraged” when I have quiet time with God. John also prays for me and tries to point out the positive side of things–especially what I’m doing right. Just a few sentences of praise makes all the difference! So I suppose that what it comes down to is understanding what the other person needs most and doing that … whatever it is.

What do you hope your kids will learn about marriage after watching you?

I hope they see that marriage is fun and that love is an action. We love in deeds and not just words. We support and encourage each other. We talk and we laugh.

What is the funniest moment of your marriage?

When I was pregnant with our second child I was asleep on the couch when there was a knock at the door. My son answered it, and I stood there face-to-face with my pastor. I was SO embarrassed that it was noon and I was still sleeping. Pastor Craig asked me to ask John to preach for the mid-day service, and to call if there was a problem. I told him I’d pass the word but I completely forgot until we were at church and the pastor announced we were having a special speaker. Horrified, I threw my Bible into John’s hands, “Quick, find something!” Of course, he couldn’t come up with a sermon in 30 seconds, and he announced to the church that he didn’t get the message. My face was red then, but we laugh about it now. Our pastor preached something he was working on, and I’m better about passing on messages!
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