The Why

TODAY, my 36th book releases. It’s called The Seven Deadly Friendships.

Way back when, well, you know the story–in the popsicle stains of childhood, I experienced some difficult relationships. Those raising me had some interesting tendencies. Predatory ones. Narcissistic ones.

My father sexually groomed me. Others would forget I existed. (I have worked through forgiving them, though there are times it still hurts.) I realized two truths about myself: I was only worthy if I was being preyed on, and if anything were to be overcome in my life, I would have to learn to take care of it myself.

I felt very, very alone. A little adult in a child’s scared body.

So when I started making friends in junior high and following, my friend “picker” was wonky. I didn’t know this at the time, but I was desperately trying to complete a story that stayed sadly incomplete. The story was this: If I could just get a predatory person or a narcissistic person to love me, I could finally prove I was worth being loved by my parents.

As you can imagine, this did not work out well for me. Because predatory people are NOT prone to build self esteem (but to tear it away), and narcissistic people can’t be bothered unless everything’s about THEIR worth.

How this manifested itself was a series of broken relationships peppered throughout my teens and adult years. It was only much, much later that I realized what I was doing. I asked myself, “Why do I keep attracting these folks?” And later that I realized I was desperately trying to close an open loop, and that Jesus would be the best loop-closer in the world, since He is neither predatory or narcissistic. His unconditional love seeped into me, and helped be to make better choices with my friends.

I realized I was worth being pursued by safe, sweet friends.

So that’s the WHY behind The Seven Deadly Friendships.

The HOW? I was able to connect the seven deadly sins (found in Proverbs 6) to toxic relationships in order to help you discern what they are, why you pursue them, and even when you might be one of them. (I know I have been). There is a lot of Scripture in the book, empowering you to become a safe friend and pursue safer friendships. There are helpful checklists to help you discern what type of relationship you’re in.

I also realized as I wrote it that there are books out there in the world that deal with divorce recovery (very important), but nearly none that deal with friendship breakup recovery.

It’s my sincere prayer that this book blesses you deeply. I pray it helps you uncover the WHY of your pursuit of toxic relationships. I pray it helps you fall back in love with Jesus who ALSO experienced every one of the seven deadly friendships. I pray you’ll find answers to your relational puzzles over the years. I pray you’ll walk away from the book healed and healing.

This is one of my most vulnerable books. I’m frankly a little afraid to release it out there. So as you finish this post, would you mind if I ask you once again to pray for me? Thank you. I absolutely believe in the power of prayer.

I’m praying through relational verses in my daily podcast, Pray Every Day. You can be prayed for about your toxic relationships here.

If you’d like to find out which of the seven deadly friendships you’re currently experiencing, take this helpful quiz.