I’ll admit it: I like Heroes. I almost quit last year when one particularly disturbing scene had me grabbing at my gut, but I stayed with it. Mainly because I love the writing, the twists and turns, the great character arcs. One thing I covet is Clare’s spontaneous regeneration. Two weeks ago, she snipped off her toe, and it grew back. Ew and ahhhh.

I’ve been praying for some spontaneous regeneration of my soul. Bits and pieces of the deepest part of me have been snipped off, but nothing has re-grown. I’m awash in injury, so much so that unless I share what I’m going through with a friend, I’ve become so accustomed to it that I no longer notice. But I’m walking with a limp, and I can’t go as far as I used to–a fate injured people face in rehab.

I’m expectant, though. Hopeful that Jesus will do His swooping and cleaning and regenerating in my soul. That He’ll smooth out the rough patches, dot healing salve on my injuries, and give me resolve and stamina to keep at it.

Even so, I’m learning to lean into the pain, realizing that in those places of injury I’m closer to Him because I realize my need for Him more keenly. Maybe that’s why He put Jacob’s hip out of joint, to keep Jacob humble and dependent. And maybe that’s why He’s allowed the injuries, so I’ll trust Him for the triage. Maybe I’m only truly dependent on Him if I need His shoulders and arms to support me as I walk.

There have been times Jesus has spontaneously regenerated my soul. Now is not one of them, though I sense little revivals are coming. It’s faith, really. Faith to believe He will heal not merely a severed toe, but a severed soul.