I have another question. I believe that the biggest part of the abuse I have placed behind me as no longer a part of who I am or who God has created me to be. But there are always days where bad memories come in like rushing waters. Something some said yesterday that adults do in intimacy yet was done to me when I was 7.. it bothered me to the point I was going to say something but I knew if I did it would raise questions that I really didn’t want to answer.
You will never get rid of bad memories… but how do you overcome those “every once in a while” days?
That’s a terrific question, Megan.
What the enemy would like for you to do on those days is resort to catastrophic thinking. To believe All The Bad things you’ve ever believed about yourself and the situation in that moment when a memory rushes in. I’ve had to learn to quell that voice and become rational, talking myself down from the catastrophe.
It might look like,
“Hey, I’ve had a bad day. I remembered more of my abuse and it freaked me out. I’ve worried that I’ll never get over this, never heal, always be a needy mess. But I’m choosing to remember just how far I’ve come in the past few years. I’m not the same Mary I was even a year ago. More healing has come. And Jesus is responsible for that. So, Jesus, please take this very crummy day I’m having and remind me of my growth, of the hope that will come and is here for me. I need Your reassurance, comfort and cheerleading. Thank You that You understand violation and pain. Give me Your perspective on it.”
The truth is that you are no longer seven. You are in a safe place. Those bully memories will come, but you don’t have to be bullied by them. It may help to write down several SET FREE verses and keep them with you at all times, verses about God making things new, healing the past, doing the impossible. Remind yourself that you are a child of God and that He has this. He is not surprised by the reminders of the past, and He stands with you in the great right now. He is available to you.
I wish I could say these days will never come again. But I can say this hopeful bit: it’s when we are our weakest that we actually understand Jesus’ huge strength. It’s when we’re all right, floating along in life that we do NOT reach for His hand. So you can also see a hard day as a huge advantage because it causes you to run into the strong arms of Jesus.