A while back, my agent asked if I had any Amish suspense. I did not. But, being the feisty girl I am, I decided to create one. Here was my “pitch” I sent her. She, then, sent it on to my editor under the guise of seriousness.
(ALERT: This is parody, tongue in cheek. Please don’t pester me to write Amish suspense!)
Rachel Yoder is fed up! All that washing to do without electricity, Stephen’s constant need for Amish s*x, and Yoder children coming from her uterus every single year, Rachel decides to take things into her own Amish hands. One fateful night, she sneaks out the 9-paned window, attempting to fly with her Amish quilt as wings. She falls, nearly breaks both ankles, only to find Stephen aiming a gun at her, thinking her an intruder covered in a covert Amish quilt. Having been particularly cranky because he hadn’t had relations that night, he shoots first.
Discovering Rachel dead, he weeps, but then pulls himself together. He loves his Amish life more than his Amish wife, so he devises a diabolical plan to cover up the murder. After all, shunning is almost as bad as no more relations. His secret stays secret for two decades, his second wife Anna bearing more children and happily blessing him with 6,240 nights of relations (no s*x on Sunday). That is, until Anna discovers his diary and finds the truth. Will Anna expose Stephen and risk his homicidal wrath? Or will she keep mum, a quiet, submissive Proverbs 31 wife so life on the farm can stay the way it’s been for centuries?
Curious? You can read the editor’s response and my subsequent chapters here. Start at the bottom and work your way up.