Why do we run from God? Lori McClure found her reason for running, and a reason to stand, as she walked through a hurtful experience. After reading her story, enjoy some “Immersion Blog-apy” at Lori’s blog. (Has God helped you run, stand or walk through a Thin Place? Submit your story here.)
Excitement turns to shock. Shock turns to anger. Anger turns to hurt. I click the link that leads to my work and see it…next to an other’s name and face. Really? I am mortified.
I reach for the phone to call a friend. No answer. I call my husband. No answer.
Maybe God wants me to be alone in this moment. Instead, I want to run to someone I can physically see and hear and touch. I don’t want to have faith in this moment. I don’t want to analyze what I’m supposed to learn in this moment. I want to be angry, and I want someone to be angry with me. I want to hear them be angry for me. I can’t find anyone, though, and I know why. God wants to show me something bigger than what I am seeing in this moment.
However, I choose to run from Him. I choose to find ways to busy myself. I write an email to the offender without sending it, of course. (You should never send an email out of anger, you know.) I walk around the apartment unpacking boxes, trying to quell the anger rolling around inside.
I feel myself starting to cry, but I don’t want to because I know what’s coming. The feeling is not new, that horrible victim feeling, of being exceptionally sorry for myself, saying, why me? I know I don’t want to fall into that pit today, but one of the hardest parts about hurt is that you don’t get to ready yourself for it. It comes unannounced, uninvited, bidding you to explore the source.
A few more hours go by, and I find myself finally allowing the tears to flow. I see the hurt is not so much over someone plagiarizing my work, though that part is painful. It is more about the collective hurt and rejection I have suffered since I was a little girl.
I cry for a few minutes, but then I see the purpose in it all through the loving words of a husband, the subsequent angry rant and good laugh with a forever-friend, and eventually through the sweet whispers of a God who never rejects me…ever. He whispers, “I am with you, and I am calling you to be what you never thought you could be. Learn to stand in who I created you to be, and you will be stronger than you ever dreamed.”
In my head, I know He’s right. Now, I believe it in my heart.