So I was thinking about a particular episode in my life, worrying again how I had handled it. I traced my way through the situation, second-guessing, worrying, wondering, re-plotting. I lamented to the Lord about my frustration at the situation and pelted myself with all sorts of accusations.
I could have done things differently, perhaps.
But as I examined it to death, I realized that in the moment I’d done Jesus would want me to do. I worked hard at taking the last seat. I bore up under scrutiny. When I was excluded, I used the time to pray and remind myself of Jesus and how He must’ve felt on many occasions. I kept my mouth shut when maligned or judged. I submitted myself under authority.
But as in all things, the Lord interrupted all my mind ramblings. “Was that about you handling things perfectly or about Me?”
I took a deep breath, let it out. “I’m sorry, Lord. It’s not about me, but I’ve sure made it about me, haven’t I?”
I’m learning, folks. I’m learning it’s not about my poor performance or my stellar performance–because in looking at both, I’m still focusing on self. It’s about His glory. His fame. His renown. The more I live for that perspective, the better off my heart will be.