Mar 7, 2008Archive

I struggle with inferiority. I have a whole group of folks I feel inferior to–not that they’d know it, but even so, it’s true. Here’s a list:

  1. Doctors
  2. Newscasters
  3. Publishing executives
  4. Business owners
  5. Bono
  6. Moms who seem to have it all together (who nurture well, head the PTA, etc.)
  7. Public speakers
  8. Pastors
  9. Ministry leaders
  10. Other authors

How about you? Who do you feel inferior to? Or do you? Or am I just a crazed, needy, small-feeling girl?

I have a feeling if I dug down deep, I’d hit issues of worth. Somehow I’ve bought into the idea that people who do great things on the outside are worth more than me. Or maybe it’s my titanic struggle with feeling like I have to personally justify taking up space on this earth by doing as much as I possibly can (which then makes me compare myself to others, which then leads to feeling inferior and small). What a tangled web I weave!

Oh, I know all the right words to say. That I’m a daughter of the King, that He loves me as I am. That nothing I do or don’t do changes my intrinsic worth. But there are days when I don’t feel it deep down. There are days I spend spinning my good-works wheels trying to prove I’m okay.

Yes, Jesus loves me. But I need to do more to make Him notice. (I know! It’s wrong.) There are good days when I truly rest in Him, when I don’t compare or feel inferior, but there are also days I feel small and needy. Today’s one, and I don’t know why.