At the Hillsong concert last week (that’s hubby and me there in the pic), we raised our hands in surrender as we worshipped over two hours straight. My shoulders and arms grew tired from all that giving up. But as I look back on it, I wonder what it all really meant. Did I mean my surrender? Or was this just another rote ritual that may look cool and Jesusy, but now lacks its substance because my heart feels distant.

My life’s been too full. And if I’m honest, it’s been too full of myself, my agenda, my desires.

As I type this, I truly want to raise my heart to Jesus in surrender. I want to give it all up. To let go of my clutches on my worries and truly let God hold them forever.

Because I’m tired of holding on, gripping worries so tight they scream.

I’m tired of control. Tired of finagling. Tired of wondering what will work and what won’t. Tired of fretting about my kids. Tired of stressing about my friendships. Worn out from second guessing myself. Overwhelmed by how much I stress about money.

I need the freedom that comes from truly, truly letting go and giving it all up.

How about you? Do you feel that way too? Do you feel distant, needy, stressed? Join me as I pray:

Jesus, I am tired. So very, very tired. I don’t want to fake surrender any more. I want to truly surrender, to give up, to let You take the broken pieces and the stress of my life into Your capable lap. Forgive me for micromanaging my life and my worries. Forgive me for trying to live this crazy life in my small strength. Forgive me for making control my god. I lay it all down–worries, money, people, Christmas, grief. Please take it now. I give up. And I choose in this moment to entrust it all to You. If I snatch it back, please remind me that I’ve already given it to You. Amen.