How do you forgive the unforgiveable?

May 20, 2011Find joy today, Heal from the past

Recently I received a comment on my Family Secrets blog that got me thinking about just how hard it is to forgive those who deeply wound us. Here’s the comment:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “Feeling of forgiveness followed the words.”

I too am dealing with the same issues…at 30 years old I am still finding it very difficult to forgive my stepfather (whom is still married to my mother) for the sexual abuse that started at age 5 to 12.

The last portion of your post “Because anything we still hold onto can be a divider between us and our Creator who loves us. He simply does not want to be rejected by us, and if we try to face our issues on our own, we must turn away from Him in order to do so. However, if we trust our issues into His hands, we can face them and still face Him at the same time” was very powerful to me and enlightened me on some things that have been happening in my life.

I feel as though I am stuck and God is not allowing me to go any further in my life until I forgive this man, but how do I truly in my heart do this? I guess I will devote future time and energy into figuring this out. Thank you for your post…it was enlightening to say the least.

When I walked the forgiveness road regarding those boys who raped me, I didn’t want to at first. What they did was horrific. Its ramifications resonate even now.Their heinous, dehumanizing acts have made me cautious, afraid, insecure, and torn. By God’s grace, I’ve healed, but the scars remain. But I realized the more I hated them, the more I was tied to those boys. It didn’t happen overnight (by a long stretch), but eventually it happened. I started feeling sorry for them, wondering what kind of abuse they received to treat me so awfully. And I wondered what kind of haunted lives those men live today. Hurt people hurt people. They must’ve been hurt to hurt me so much.

That empathy helped me forgive.

But again, that’s taken me years. Now I pray that God will open their hearts, let them tell the truth about what they did, and be set free by His forgiveness.

Honestly, if I met them today, I’d probably weep. I might yell. But after that, I’d pray for them and tell them about Jesus. Because He’s the One who bore all my ick on the cross.

What do you say to Anonymous? What has your forgiveness journey looked like?