What was a safe distance? Three rows? Six rows? Five miles? The next county? The next state. That felt safe.
I felt the glances of those around me, condemning me. For past choices. For present mistakes.
For a lack of faith. Whether the glances were there or not, I expected them to be. If others weren’t saying the words… I WAS. If others weren’t thinking these things… I WAS.
The past was back. I’d avoided it for so long. What was it doing colliding with my present?
The memories flooded my mind like a violent storm. Thunderous pain. Fear like lightning flashing. Remembrances of abuse. Control.
I had found a sanctuary. A safe haven. What was he doing here?
When did I get so lost? I knew what I believed. I knew the Truth. How did it get so muddled? When did I forget who I was in Christ? How did I lose my identity?
Then I read…“Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
But I have a past and it just walked into my present… There is no condemnation.
But I lost sight of the Truth… There is no condemnation.
But why would you want me… “I chose you before the foundation of the world…”
But I don’t understand why this had to happen… “My thoughts are not your thoughts…”
But You could make it go away… “Your ways are not My ways.”
Sometimes to protect the safe place, we must stand.
But my thoughts are screaming leave…RUN! You can’t worship in fear… “You belong to the Truth. Set your heart at rest in My presence.”
We must let God work…
Apologies I never expected.
There is a season for everything. This is a season of healing. A time to allow the Great Physician to apply His healing balm. Now scars take the place of wounds. Scars that don’t hurt, but remind. Not reminders of pain, but reminders of how God saves. How He protects. How He brings peace.
How He puts Himself between me and my past. How he makes my haven safe again and brings beauty from the ashes.
Now I read… “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, press on.”
Forget? No. I remember.
But I choose to leave it behind me. I choose to not let it trip me up. I choose to press on.
“Come to Me, My weary, burdened Child, and I will give you rest.”
I choose to rest in Christ, my Prince of Peace.