Today’s post is a beautiful/painful one by Lindsey Bell. Oh the ache of miscarriage! But oh the joy of knowing Jesus even in the midst of the pain. He is there in our thinnest of Thin Places.
I trusted God to save our child. We had already lost one baby at twelve weeks pregnant. I was certain God wouldn’t allow us to lose a second one. He wouldn’t allow us to go through the pain of miscarriage twice within four months.
I even wore mascara to our doctor’s appointment to prove my faith. It was my way of saying to God, “I know you’re going to do a miracle. See, I’m wearing mascara. I’m not planning to cry.”
But as the ultrasound began, I saw the one thing I never expected to see—stillness. No flickering heartbeat. No movement. No growth. Another baby was gone.
In the months after our second miscarriage, I questioned God more than ever before. How could a loving God allow this into my life again? How could he allow me to hurt this much when he’s capable of stopping the pain? What about all those verses that say, “Ask and it will be given to you”? I asked, but didn’t receive. Why, God?
The one question I failed to ask, though, was the one question God needed me to answer: Do I still trust him? When life is going well, it’s easy to claim we trust God. But what happens when everything goes wrong—when our plans fail, sicknesses strike, or death hits close to home? It is in these moments—the moments in the storm—that God really wants to know: Will we still trust Him?
Lindsey Bell is an author, stay-at-home mother, wife, blogger, and disciple of Jesus. She is currently working with the Blythe Daniel Agency to find a publisher for her parenting book entitled “Searching for Sanity.” When she’s not writing or chasing after her two-year-old son, Rylan, she’s likely spending time with her husband, Keith. Or then again, she might be taking a nap. Read her author blog at www.lindsey-bell.blogspot.com <http://www.lindsey-bell.blogspot.com> or her miscarriage blog at www.livingwholeagain.blogspot.com <http://www.livingwholeagain.blogspot.com>. You can also find her on Twitter (LindseyMBell) or on Facebook (Lindsey Bell).