We’ve been through a lot this year. I try to downplay it in my mind, try to rationalize it all or say it wasn’t that big of a deal. But it was a lot. Job loss for Patrick (he now has a job!!!), job redirection for me, plus a few painful relational issues, a daughter graduating, our possible move (we’re staying put, but for a time we thought we’d move far from Texas)–all these things mix together into a stress stew I grew tired of eating.
I launched Worth Living. I launched (essentially) the Restory Conference. I am launching a new business (news to come soon). I continued to work on the Restory Show. In the midst of that I wrote a book in a month and a half. It was a devotional, the typical kind with a scripture, a devotional thought, and a prayer. I figured that counted as my time with God. But it didn’t really.
I had several questions during the last six months. Big ones rolling around in my mind without an answer–questions about injustice and villains and perpetrators getting away with things. I had a personal crisis (of sorts) that involved wrestling with past memories and trying to understand why some don’t see things the way I see them. (I think we all go through this).
So here I am today.
Tired. And feeling like God is a million light years away.
I know the cliches.
I know I should ask, “Who moved?” And likely, it’s me.
Usually during these times, I can worship my way out of the funk. I had a glimpse of that last week in church, a tender connection to God through song that ministered to me. But once I sang the last note, the doubts and fatigue returned, along with that same longing to feel close to Jesus and hear His voice.
This is not a post about the five things we must do to get closer to Jesus. It’s simply an honest post about where I am and how I feel.
I know the truth–that God is everywhere, and even so–He loves me. I do rest on that rock-like truth. But I’m so dang tired. And I feel achy to hear from Him, to know He sees me, to be rejuvenated by the Spirit.
Hopefully during the rest of July I will find the soul rest I need to reconnect with Him. That’s my prayer. I’d so appreciate your prayers for me as well. (And if you feel similarly, please share in the comments, and I’ll respond by praying back).
Hearing your husband found a job brought me hope.
My husband also needs work. The oil fields tanked in our area (and many areas) leaving no work. After months of praying and searching it seemed God answered our prayers for the perfect job, only to have them rescind the offer yesterday because of a past comp claim and back surgery.
My past has been nipping at my heels on a constant basis, leaving me exhausted and weary.
Between the two I don’t feel I can take another step or have any hope left.
I prayed for you this morning….I get that exhaustion. Thanks for being so very real!
Lord, I pray for Char and her husband. They are tired, bewildered and discouraged. Will you send them comfort today?
Thank you for Mary’s husband’s job. This ordeal has birthed many things and taught how to trust more. Please give her rest for her soul and mine too, Lord Jesus. Amen
Amen, and yes to rest for both our souls!
I think this is life…at least in these ‘last days’ for many or maybe all of us at one time or another. God has so richly blessed, and I mean BLESSED me and my family lately, but then wham I’m physically tired (from packing up boxes, cleaning and moving and more cleaning!) and hot (98 degrees outside!), and discouraged that things are not going as planned…and I start to feel the tears building… But I have realized God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever, and He will show Himself again. If I stop and focus on Him, who He is, focus on what is important, and remember all the blessings He has bestowed on me and my family…and get my mind off the trial and back on Him, my perspective begins to change. This is about the only thing that helps me in the hard times… as well as being thankful and getting into the Word and praising Him!
And I know soon all will be right with the world…
Praying for you Mary and so thankful for Patrick’s new job!
Thank you so much, and you’re right about perspective. We must remind ourselves of the truth.
Yes, Yes, YES! Exactly where I am right now, too. Praying God brings me back into the fullness of HIs joy soon. (hugs)
Jesus, please bring refreshment to Lea Ann!
You will come out on the other side of this! Don’t get discouraged. Praying…
Thanks Andrew. A trip to San Fran last weekend helped loosen me up a bit spiritually. I’m ready for renewal!
I love that God’s grace gives room for honest reflection. Your post reads like a Psalm, Mary. You’re in good company. I’m praying for you. I too could use a boost. Thanks.
Jesus, thank You for Wayne. Boost him! Boost his mood, his perspective on his circumstances and his joy today. Amen.
Only God could use your prayer as its own answer. Thanks, Mary.
Thank you for your honesty. I don’t understand all you’ve gone through, but after decades of ministry and the pain that comes with working with broken people, I do understand your weariness and the emotional loneliness of wondering if anyone understands or gets you. Praying for deep soul rest and fresh revelation of God’s nearness.
Amen, thank you so much, Elizabeth.
Thanks, as always, for your honesty. (I love Francesca Battistelli’s “If We’re Honest.”)
Thank YOU Jim for faithfully praying for our family.