As I gardened this weekend in the sweltering heat (yes, I dripped like a faucet), I grew weary. I tend too much! I remembered all the projects I wanted to do with my yard, but then realized I could barely keep up with my small yard as it was. Sometimes I get greedy with plants and want more and more and more.
That’s when the Lord whispered, “Greed makes you tend too much.”
I thought over my last five years stateside, and how many decisions I made because I needed money. All those yeses made me have an overgrown garden of work, more than I could tend. But before I could beat myself up over my greed, I realized that it wasn’t greed at all that made me say all those yeses.
It was fear.
So the real truth was: fear makes us tend too much.
When we’re afraid (particularly about money), we take on anything, grabbing at jobs that might not fit, saying yes to things that don’t really represent us, doing things that ultimately lead to burnout. As I look back on my life, I wonder just how many times I said yes (or no) out of fear, and how much tending that caused me.
As you know, I’ve let go of a lot the past few weeks. Some have asked me if I had any regret. Honestly, no. I realize now that many of my decisions came from fear of not having, and now I’m walking in a new level of trust. I have peace about the future I haven’t had before. I have moved out of the nest into the next, whatever that may be. I feel settled that God can do whatever He pleases in my career.
It can take off like a wild firecracker, or it can feshizzle (made up word) into a dud. And I really don’t care. Which is weird for me because usually I do care. I usually do fear.
The result of saying yes to God and no to fear has been less to tend. A huge weight has lifted. And I feel free.