I’m one of those people with a hyperactive conscience. Someone can look at me funny and I’ll say sorry. Therefore, I can go a little nutty trying to evaluate the motives of my heart in terms of writing. Yes, Jesus is the most important relationship in my life, followed by my husband and three beautiful children. But, writing is my calling. I’m finally able to settle into it, like a comfortable couch, finally able to embrace it.
Sometimes the Enemy of our souls would like to whisper condemnation in our ears with words like, “How do you know you’re doing this for Jesus? You’re just after the fame and glory.” And being humans, we listen to that voice, trying desperately to sift through it. For hyperactive conscience lady, that means I sift and resift, worrying I’m not truly living with eternal perspective.
I wished I realized sooner that all my wrestling about whether my writing motives were pure or not should have been left at the feet of Jesus. I’ve struggled with wondering if I loved writing too much. Would the Lord ask me to lay it down?
And one day, I had an amazing talk with a writer friend. She struggled with that very fear. She said, “I spent many days and weeks pouring through the Bible, seeking the Lord. I realized God brought all the men and women of faith on a journey and that He used every circumstance to culminate their ministry. He never told Moses, ‘OK, stop leading the people. You love it too much.’ Or to Joseph, ‘Yeah, I brought you through this time of desolation to a place of prominence. I’d like you to step down.'” My friend continued, “If someone took out the writer part of my heart, part of my heart would be empty. I am a writer. It’s how God made me. He created my life and pointed me in this direction to serve Him as I write.”
Her words brought freedom. We can spend undo energy fretting about our motives, bearing a heavy yoke. Jesus beckons us to lay down our wrestling, to trust that the Spirit within us will check us if we are selfishly ambitious, and to write with vigor for His glory. This world NEEDS our redemptive words. If we struggle constantly with whether our motives are correct, we’ll never release those words. So, relax. Trust the Spirit and write.