Confession of a Frazzled One–Do you relate?

confession

It’s been one of the most challenging, unsettling weeks of my life, the kind where you feel everything’s been thrown heavenward, then spilled onto the ground in strange, confusing heaps.

Shock is still circling around my brain, and I have a hard time thinking.

I wish I could be more forthcoming, but I have a feeling that many of you have been in this kind of disconcerting place before. So maybe vagaries will help us all feel like we can have fellowship, those of us who feel the ground shift beneath our feet.

Today we had repairmen in the house for a long-needed stair fix. In order to work, they had to keep the back door open, which made the house cold. You need to know this about me: I am always cold. So today I wore a coat and scarf all day, and my shoulders had that tensed up feeling that comes from not being quite warm. It’s like I nearly shivered every minute, but held back, leaving tension to reign.

That tension remains, even after the heat warms the house. I still wear my coat.

In times like this, when my fatigue and stress battle for victory, I try to be awesome. I try to be super Christian. But to be honest, I’ve defaulted back to fear instead of trust. I’m Peter, barely holding the gaze of Jesus as I step into unfamiliar waters and sink. I look far more at the waves at my feet, my ankles, my calves, my thighs than I do at the One who created water.

But in the back of my mind, I try to remind myself of the faithfulness of God. That He is the God who sees me, us, you. He understands our weaknesses. He is strong in our frailty. He stays close to the broken. And in this shifting, bewildering place, I actually have an advantage over the Mary-Who-Had-It-All-Together. That Mary didn’t need Jesus much.

But this Mary? Honey, she needs JESUS.

Every ounce of Him, His love, His power, His direction, His strength, His words of affirmation, His presence. I flat out need Him.

So maybe it’s okay to live in the land of the unsettled. Because maybe that means I can settle my soul into His embrace, while I look at the heaps around me, lick my wounds, and remind myself of His faithfulness.

What about you? Have you been through a disconcerting season lately? What helped you walk through it?

 

Comments

  1. Caitlin February 19, 2016 #

    I’m going through this sort of disconcerting season going on 5 months now, because circumstances are out of my control and my givenness to fear has made matters worse. I’m thankful He is faithful even when my faith is small. I’m getting through one day at a time through prayer, openness with loved ones, and choosing to focus on the present rather than the devastation of the past or the uncertainties of the future. I need Jesus, too, every moment.

    • Mary DeMuth February 19, 2016 #

      You are so not alone. And I think you’re right. Moment by moment….

  2. Jhayes February 15, 2016 #

    Been there and done that! What I learned then, and not a cliche, He really WAS working all things together for our good. Praying you see the Goodness of God. ♡

    • Mary DeMuth February 16, 2016 #

      Thank you so much. Amen.

  3. Janice Roberson February 11, 2016 #

    Thank you for sharing this story. Many times we try to look good before man, but we help each other more when we are honest about being human. I too have those days that seems like everything goes against me and I fail all day. Much happier when I get my eyes back on GOD.

    • Mary DeMuth February 11, 2016 #

      I am too. But recently, it’s been harder. Prayers appreciated!

  4. Conanjay Wallace February 10, 2016 #

    Mary, your books are awesome and you are a much needed voice in todays world. Thank you for all you do. I am praying for you right now!

    • Mary DeMuth February 10, 2016 #

      Thank you for your prayers, they are much appreciated!

  5. Doris Swift February 6, 2016 #

    Yes, it’s been quite a season of stretch and growth! What helps me walk through, is just as you said, Mary. El Roi, the God who sees me. His faithfulness has carried us through. The hubs was out of work for over a month with a back injury. We didn’t know if he’d work again. He’s self-employed, so the no income thing caused me to really draw near. And God provided. And guess who’s back to work? But I’ll have to say, things get scary when something shakes up our normal. Glad we can be real with each other, instead of being super. Thanks Mary!

    • Mary DeMuth February 6, 2016 #

      Thanks, good words, Doris. I fight to stay in that trusting place. I wish it came naturally to me. So glad your hubby is back to work!

      • Doris Swift February 6, 2016 #

        Thanks! Me too! I work in the office and in ministry for our church, but everyone knows you don’t work at church for the pay ?. But working there is a blessing, and I’m very grateful. God bless friend!

  6. Kathy Sturgis February 5, 2016 #

    Yes, everything seems confused and out of control. I too am trying to Fix my eyes on Jesus alone. It takes God’s strength. I am so thankful for His compassion and mercy.
    How is the Job situation, Mary?

    • Mary DeMuth February 6, 2016 #

      Kathy, I hear you. I’m there with you too. Job situation: prayers appreciated.

  7. Dawn Michelle King February 5, 2016 #

    Yes, we’ve been in a disconcerting season and have had to let a dream die. It’s hard, we’re losing relationships that we treasure, but we are moving forward into what God has for us in spite of it all. Our theme last year was “it didn’t take God by surprise.” That’s where we are again. I am longing for a season of stability and rest after a long season of struggle. And I am trusting God for answers to prayer whispered in the night, groaned during the day, and shouted while driving. For us, it’s a season of suddenlies and we are anticipating sudden fulfillment of God’s promises to us. But the shaking that is leading to this is painful and frustrating and deeply unsettling.

    • Mary DeMuth February 5, 2016 #

      Oh sister, I am there. With you.