Chaos and Joy

Aug 7, 2005Find joy today

I’ writing this blog in the lobby of the Christian Associates Staff Conference auditorium. It’s loud and raucous and fun and wild. It’s so great to be connected to other missionary/church planters who have experienced years like we’ve had. What a blessing.

Worship has been sweet. And loud. And connected.

Conversations around meals has been refreshing. And revealing. And spiritual.

It’s the beauty and joy of community . . . where we are known, frail and needy, and still loved. Where others understand our journey.

Someone said, “I want next year to be different,” and I nodded. I asked him how and he told me how he wanted to balance his life better and work on some internal issues. I resonated with that and owned it too. I want this next year to be different. I want to have better balance and rhythm to my life. I want to let Jesus walk me through new issues, deeper valleys of my soul.

And then, I had a little revelation in the midst of this conference: It’s OK to be me. It’s OK if I don’t fit the mold. It’s OK if I’m not what I perceive as the perfect Christian woman. Could it be that the Lord made me just the way I am for His purpose. Does it grieve God when I cower from myself and not rejoice in my weakness? I wonder.

So, that’s my brief report from the staff conference. It’s only just begun, as the song says. But already I’m being blessed in community.