Battling myself

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It’s been one of those lethargy days. I finished the book I’m working on, then headed out to help writers that night. And now in light of today I feel completely spent. Have you been there? I forget to take into account how much emotional and mental and spiritual energy it takes out of me to write a book. I pour myself into the pages. And as I do, once in awhile, I get a mean email or two.

My coach tells me to brush those off, to delete them. I do, but those words haunt me, pull out the breath from me, and holler discouragement my way. I realize, too, that as I write a book about dynamic spiritual growth that I’ll be attacked. I shouldn’t be surprised. In fact, it would be better if I laughed.

Ho. ho. ho. hee. hee. har. har.

Hmmm. That didn’t really work.

In my head I battle those crazy voices that shout my unworthiness, then echo the mean emails. Who do I think I am? I’m not worthy to write books. My message is skewed, or unimportant.

Have you ever been there? You might not be a writer. You may be entirely something else. But I bet from time to time you battle yourself, listening to those voices that shout your inadequacies. You may have some emails or letters or hurtful words spoken over you that keep you up at night or terrorize you during the day.

At this moment I’m making a choice. Will you choose with me? I am choosing to quiet those voices. Why?

  • Because God loves me. He does. And He loves you with wild abandon.
  • Because not everything people say to you in anger or frustration or from their own issues is true.
  • Because I don’t need to receive every single painful comment.
  • Because my worth is not dependent on someone else’s skewed opinion of me.
  • Because even when those voices sound a lot like mine, they may not be true.
  • Because I am to think on what is true, kind, noble, and praiseworthy.

This is not to say we aren’t teachable or willing to listen to constructive criticism. But there are times when naysayers and mean voices (including our own) only serve to defeat us, to battle against what God wants for our lives. Even as I write these truths, I feel an opening of freedom. Even if others don’t like me. Even if I receive mean emails. Even when I’m tired and discouraged. I can still have freedom knowing that Jesus loves me.

I’m resting there.

Are you?

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