A Sad Goodbye

mark

In two hours I will say words, but those words will not be full enough to say what’s in my heart.

How do you say goodbye to love?

How do you let go of someone who loved you well? Who cheerleaded? Who exemplified other-centeredness?

I keep walking around my mom’s house, expecting Mark to saunter in, a crooked smile on his face. “Hey,” he would say. He would find small moments to pull me aside and say, “Your kids are terrific,” or “I’m proud of you.”

But he doesn’t saunter in. His clothes are here, closeted. One dimensional pictures of him are framed around the house. His car sits in the driveway, undriven. His computer sits idle, while scraps of life surround his desk. Cards I’ve written them are in a stack to the right of his desk. The cookbook I wrote is there too.

He was proud of me.

A piece of me feels kicked in. I’ve been a fatherless girl longing for someone to fill that void. God saw fit to send me two–my stepfather John, still alive, and Mark, now in the hereafter.

It’s never easy to lose someone like that.

So pray for us as we grieve, mourn and say a sad goodbye. Pray for my mom, now a widow, navigating an empty house full of memories. Pray for me as I rethink life in light of its brevity.

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