Family Uncaged, Find joy today, Heal from the past

A letter to Teen Me {+ a Graceful book giveaway}

15 Comments 12 September 2012

I’m happy to be a part of Emily Freeman’s tour for her latest book, Graceful. It’s for teen girls, helping them realize the beauty of God’s grace. You don’t have to be all, do all, appear all. All you need is Jesus, and this book is a gentle reminder to teen girls to rest-rest-rest in Jesus’ love and affection for them.

Here’s a pic of her books. Congrats Emily:

Here’s Emily. Isn’t she cute?

Here’s me in high school. I know. I know. The pink taffeta poof that is my dress is atrocious. Don’t throw stones!

It is what it is. The 80s weren’t a kind era. And yes, I was wearing lace gloves. Thanks Madonna.

Emily asked me to write a letter to my teenage self, which is a lot harder than you might think. Why? Because I was such a mess back then. If I could sit myself down and talk some sense into me, this is what I’d say.

Dear Teen Girl Mary,

Insecurity doesn’t become you. So please don’t become it. Don’t let it woo you, making you think that you are only whole when a boy notices. Your summation of worth doesn’t come from a sideways glance, but from a heavenward look. Jesus defines your worth. 

You’ll spend a lot of time trying to fill the Daddy hole in your heart. It gapes and bleeds now, just a few years past your father’s untimely death. You’ll gussy yourself up for his glance, cleverly disguised in the looks of teen boys, their advances, their woo-worthy words. 

You’ll wrongly believe that God can’t love you because He won’t give you the one thing you pine for: a boyfriend. You’ll rail at Him for not. one. boy. asking you to homecoming. You’ll cry into your pillow, demanding something from God that He won’t give you because He loves you far too much. He knows your frame. He knows that if a boy swooped in on you, he’d become your god. And God’s too jealous for your heart.

Trust me, you’ll thank God for this later, one thousand upon one thousand times. It was His kindness, not His spoil-sport-ways, that led Him to protect you from them, from yourself.

Concentrate on Jesus. He will fill you all the way up. He will give you worth. He’ll be your security. He will cover you when you’re afraid. He will prepare your heart for a husband someday. And He will bless you beyond your wildest dreams. Not merely for a husband and family, but for a whole, healed heart.

This is your time to press into Jesus, share your wounds, and ask Him for healing. Don’t shortchange the process. It will be long and hard and arduous, but it will absolutely be worth it. 

Settle your soul before God. And believe that He absolutely loves you. And He is enough. He is everything.

Hugs,

An older, wiser, more settled & healed Mary

Emily has graciously agreed to give one of you amazing folks a copy of Graceful. To win, simply comment in the comment section. Special robots will choose the winner by Friday. Here’s your question:

What advice would you give teenager you? Make it real!

Resonate with this post? Want more?

Sign up for Mary’s monthly Live Uncaged ezine {free!} and get the free ebook 12 Steps to Impossible Joy.

Be Sociable, Share!
  • cdegastyne@aol.com

    I would say get to know Jesus! In a real way….

  • http://twitter.com/sarahfarish Sarah Farish

    Dear Teen Sarah,

    Spend time with your Dad. He won’t be here as long as you think he will.

    Don’t settle for any boy that comes along. Dating someone you’d never marry is
    simply practice for divorce.

    The prince you’re waiting for? He will come.
    Just wait and see.

    You’re going to be a mom someday. I know, I know.
    That’s hard to digest.

    Be healthy.

    Quit trying to be valedictorian. In a few years, no one will remember or care.

    No one is impressed by your ability to participate in 20
    clubs and lead five of them. Give
    yourself a break and have fun.

    Every time you lied to your parents? They knew the truth.

    Be thankful and show that thankfulness by taking care of
    your ’89 Escort.

    Don’t let others tell you what you can and can’t be. You will regret changing your major and
    giving up your dreams to become a writer.

    Others’ opinions are just that: opinions. Stop
    listening. All those people you are
    trying so hard to please will (mostly) be out of your life in a few years.

    There’s a world beyond Poca, West Virginia. Go see it.

    In turn, Poca will always be your home. Never forget where you came from. Roots are important.

    Most importantly, make Jesus the center of your life. Lean
    into Him and trust Him. He will
    never leave you or forsake you – no matter what.

    With Much Love,
    Grown-up, wiser Sarah (who is still learning to lean into
    Jesus and trust Him completely)

  • http://www.onedressoneyear.com/ Bethany W.

    Ohh, this’ll be fun since I’m still a teenager!

    Dear Bethany,

    It’s not about you. Not nearly as much as you’d like to think. The good thing about that is that grace, and the cross, is not about you. It’s not about what you do and don’t do. It’s about who Christ is and what He has done. Walking around with guilt and shame is selfish. And freedom? That’s also not about your. What a relief.

    The part that may be harder for you to swallow is that the good things aren’t about you, either. Remember what Mrs. Beth said to you at camp? You have a special anointing, God’s doing and will continue to do incredilbe things through you, but it’s not about you. It’s about Him and HIs glory. And so while that means that the weight doesn’t rest on your shoulders any more, it also means that the credit isn’t yours either. Your calling is not about your fame and your ego. It’s about His glory. And the sooner you learn that, the better this road will be.

    Love,
    The same me who knows this in her head but is struggling to learn it in her heart.

  • http://twitter.com/abbysnews Abby Van Wormer

    Dear Teen Girl Abby,

    No problem is too big for God. You’re gonna face stuff that will be hard and you’re gonna want to give up. But don’t give up. God is bigger than your problems, bigger than your disappointments, bigger than your circumstances. And He will be with You. Stay close to Him and notice everything He does. Store these things in your heart, so later you can look back and remember His faithfulness and see what He’s done and how He has taken care of you.

    Everything He does is good, because He is good. Even when it may not feel like that, He always wants the best for you. And that will never change because His character never changes. You might not be able to count on people to always be there, but you can always count on God. People are fickle. God is not.

    And I know you’re worried about how you look, but don’t worry about that. It’s your heart that matters most and what’s inside that counts. I know you want to be like the “popular” people who wear name brand clothes and expensive outfits, and you want to be skinny and feel noticed. It’s hard to see right now, but in the end all that won’t really matter. Besides, you want people in your life who accept you for who you are and not what you wear or how you look.

    Stay close to God. Even if you stray, even if you leave, always always go back to Him. He won’t be mad at you. He wants you, He will always want you, He will always love you. He will always be with you.

  • http://twitter.com/virginiavann virginiavann

    What a therapeutic project! Spent half the morning crying writing my own letter! I’ll post my full letter on Friday with some pictures, but here’s a small snipet:
    “You have a deep longing for your father. While he abandoned you and has never had any relationship with you whatsoever, you have a place deep in your heart of wonder, love, hope, and forgiveness. Unearned and freely given. This place will help lead to healing. I am so thankful you’ve kept it buried deeply and untarnished. You will meet your father, but you will only have a few precious years. As quickly as he came, my sweet child, he will leave again as a result of a short battle with cancer. This will happen as you are finding the sweetness in being a beautifully exhausted new mother. You will grieve the “what could have been”. This will hurt you deeply and your precious heart will throb and ache for years. You will try to run away again. Wait for the sun to break through the darkness my love. Stop reaching into the dark for answers. Reach into the light.”

  • Vonnie

    I would tell my teenage-self that what I was experiencing then Will help me grow up to be a Strong Woman.

  • JennaDeWitt

    Wow, Mary. You make me want to live like that. Free and confident. :)

    Wrote a similar post when I turned 23, looking back to what I would tell myself at 13.
    http://jennadewitt.tumblr.com/post/16906563837/dear-13-year-old-me

  • Timari

    Your words always bless me, Mary. Thank you for sharing with us your thoughts to your dear girl. And thank you, too, for offering Emily’s book. Always good resources, as well. Blessings on your day!

  • http://www.permissiontoperuse.com/ Amy Bennett

    I just love this:
    Trust me, you’ll thank God for this later, one thousand upon one thousand times. It was His kindness, not His spoil-sport-ways, that led Him to protect you from them, from yourself.

  • kleighevensen

    Dear Kristen,

    This is a time in your life when many important life decisions will be made. When long-term relationships will be established. When your faith walk and intimate journey with God becomes uniquely yours. Worship Him, beloved. Do not allow the worries of this world to become so dynamic in your sight that God shrinks in comparison. You will wage a war against the enemy of your soul, but God is right beside you, waging with you and fighting on your behalf. Nothing is too much for Him to handle. So worship Him. Despite your feelings, despite your circumstances, worship the Almighty.

    Decide now what you value. Do not wait until you are backed into a corner to choose. Decide now. Search your soul, the unique, lovely soul that God designed–and ask Him now to reveal your deepest desires. Then, do not waste time and energy pursuing the things of this world. Instead, focus on Jesus, focus on the deeply held desires and values He instilled within you at Creation, and run your race. Not that other girl’s race, not the race you ran five years ago. Your race now. Do not look back, but keep focused on what lies ahead of you. Learn lessons gracefully, and remember that there is no condemnation in Christ.

    Worship Him, beloved. Worship Him.

    • http://twitter.com/abbysnews Abby Van Wormer

      That is beautiful!

  • annepeterson

    Dear Teen Anne,
    I’m glad I have the chance to write you since I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I want to tell you something very important. I know your mom died suddenly and your whole world exploded. I know you feel all alone wondering how you’ll make it, but you are not alone. In about 5 years you will go to a Bible Study and meet Jesus. Remember when you used to go to vacation Bible School and learn the stories about him? Well, it’s the same one. And when you meet him you will realize how very much he loves you, how much God the Father loves you. And God is not like the father you have. Not at all.

    I also want you to know that although you’ve been blamed, it was not your fault your mom died. That is way too heavy a load for you to bear. Yes, I know you didn’t go to her when she called you, you weren’t even sure she did call. But, you have to know that it was not your fault. And no matter what she would have told you, you could not have prevented her death. God loves you, Anne and it’s important that you know that because it doesn’t feel like that right now. You can’t depend on your feelings. You have to depend on the truth, what it says in the Bible. Your teen years will be difficult, sometimes feel impossible with a lot of upheaval, but God is there. You’ll see. I wish you could feel as beautiful as you look. I wish you could accept yourself, but I want you to know God does; just the way you are. You’re gonna be okay, Anne.

    • http://www.marydemuth.com Mary DeMuth

      Wow, this is beautiful! So well said. Thanks Anne.

      • annepeterson

        Thanks Mary.

        Today is the anniversary date of two important events. September 12, 1971. I went to a home Bible study and accepted the Lord as my Savior.September 12, 1982. My sister disappeared and was the victim of domestic violence. We never saw her again.
        I am celebrating the fact that because of what happened in 1971, I will get to spend eternity with my sister, Peggy.

    • http://www.marydemuth.com Mary DeMuth

      Anne, Random.org chose YOU as the winner. Please email me at mary@marydemuth.com and I’ll connect you with Emily. She’ll send you the book Graceful. Congrats!

Get a Free eBook!

Subscribe to the Live Uncaged ezine & get 12 Steps to Impossible Joy, a 50-page ebook, free!

* indicates required

Next Speaking Engagement:

Latest:

Mary’s Story

Awesome Sponsors:

Connected to:

© 2013 Mary DeMuth.

Site by Author Media.