Tag Archives | sexual abuse

I’m afraid to write the next memoir

When Thin Places released this year, I felt naked. And rightfully so. I shared my story stark on the page there, my heart displayed for all to see. The pain, the neglect, the sexual abuse, the divorces–all these damaged me and my heart. Hints of those injuries haunt me today still. One thing that really […]

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Answering: Are you disconnected? & Why would God allow abuse?

Yesterday Trudy wrote: Do you sometimes feel disconnected when or after you tell your story – kind of like you’re another person outside of yourself, not wanting to feel the pain? How do you deal with it? My counselor once said that the more one shares the painful story, the more empowered one becomes. Do […]

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Giving grace to people who violate (and don’t recognize their sin)

I’m thankful to have a blog post up on The Washington Post about the Belgium Catholic Church scandal. You can read When Sex Abuse Isn’t Taken Seriously here. I can’t describe how angry I get when I hear about victims being ignored or shunned or silenced. Something akin to a holy roar rises up inside […]

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How Sexual Abuse Affects Us Today

Note: This post is part of the Idea Camp’s exploration of sexual abuse. It happened so long ago. Nearly forty years now. The picture at the top of this post is me, aged five. The year the boys came and took me away. Stole a year of my life. In ravines. Under trees. In a […]

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Sexual Abuse: Choose Your Enemies Wisely

enemies

Yesterday on my run, the song “Cedars of Lebanon” by U2 came up. The last stanza stunned me. It’s taken me a day to digest it, but I believe there’s deep truth for the victims of sexual abuse hidden there. The lyrics: Choose your enemies carefully, ’cause they will define you   Make them interesting […]

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The Mark Part Four: The Idol of Victimhood

This is a hard post to write and admit to. But it’s true. You’d think that someone who was a victim of abuse would shun that victimhood status the moment she realized it, flinging it as far as the East is from the West. Nope. I coddled it. Nursed it. Loved it to ragged death. […]

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10 Ways Sexual Abuse has Shaped Me.

10ways

In no particular order, here are ten things I’ve dealt with in the aftermath of being raped as a five-year-old: I have believed I have no worth, other than to be used for someone else’s pleasure. I’m thankful this has faded quite a bit, and Jesus has healed me of so much. Still, it lingers. […]

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The Mark: A Locating Device for Predators

marksexualabuse

This came from a reader recently: A thought for your blog sometime… I would be really interested in hearing you talk more about this idea that those who are abused are”marked.” I read about this and believe that it’s true, but I’d like to hear more of your thoughts on it. I’ll answer this in […]

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Where are they now? Haunted? Fine?

Where are they now? Haunted? Fine?

Those of you familiar with me or my story know this: at five, two neighborhood boys spent their free time abusing me. Under trees. In their room. In ravines. In parks. I’m grateful, so grateful, that I don’t suffer flashbacks anymore. I’m glad their yearlong actions no longer inform how I live my life. They […]

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From a reader of my recent posts about boundaries in relationships . . . about predators

From Iona–a guest post by a blog reader: Here are some lessons I’m finding must be taken to heart. These apply to perpetrators in general. 1. Touch Tests: A perpetrator will test your reception of his presence. A perpetrator may be attentive to the story of your past. He may wink as he evaluates your […]

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