And now, to Holly:

It started with a thin line.

Pink.

Stretched from one end of a pregnancy test window to another.

I stared it, that dream come true.

Hardly believing my eyes.

It ended with a thin line.

Pink.

Stretched from one end of cotton underwear to the other.

I stared it, that dream slipping away.

And in the hours that followed I laid on a bed and cried.

I asked God hard questions.

I got no answers.

But in the silence I felt held.

In the six years that have followed, I’ve never seen a pink line like that first one again.

I don’t know why.

But I do know those two thin lines brought me to a thin place I never expected.

God somehow slipped in and made the end of one dream become the beginning of another.

The lines in my life now are not pink…they are black and white, filled up with words, living on my blog, (in)courage, and my books.

I am not infertile.

God called Eve the mother of all living.

And I am a word mother.

Does this take the place of a physical child? No.

But it does somehow, inexplicably, fill up the ache inside, that hollow place that used to be there.? Yes.

Sometimes God-sized dreams find us in the most unlikely of places, the most unlikely of ways.

They come with a beautiful, scandalous joy that grows in places it shouldn’t.

They defy sorrow, uproot expectations, act wild.

They stretch us, grow us, heal us…set us free.

It started with a line.

And I’ve walked that line of mysterious grace down a road different than I first dreamed—

but wouldn’t trade now for anything.

In the midst of a rapidly changing culture that embraces the postmodern values of community and authenticity, I’ve realized that some of the top-down parenting methods didn’t prepare my children to step outside our front door. Simply telling my children what to believe or how to act did not necessarily help them navigate the real world. Welcoming my children’s thoughts through questioning and listening not only validates their worth, but is reminiscent of the way Jesus prepared His disciples for their journey.Peripateo Parenting

Jesus demonstrated the beauty of a conversational approach to life when he walked along the road with His disciples, asking questions, listening, and telling stories. The common Greek word used for this walking around is peripateo. Jesus embodied this peripateo spirituality as he journeyed down dusty paths, encouraging his friends. Peripateo has two meanings, however. The other meaning connotes the manner in which we conduct our lives. The Apostle Paul used this word frequently: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received” (Philippians 3:17). Conversational parenting encompasses both. We walk with our children, talking about life along the way, and we show them how to love Jesus by the way we walk.

What does conversational parenting look like?

Walking with our children, demonstrating how to live a life for Jesus—both sound ideal, but what do they mean? How do we practically engage our children? Four Ways:

1. By Sharing our Stories

In this ever-shifting culture, authenticity has become a prime trait kids long for. And they yearn for authenticity in their homes most of all. How do we model authenticity? By sharing our stories. By asking children to pray alongside us as we worry about the future. By admitting we don’t always have all the answers.

When our family made the excruciating decision to leave France where we were planting a church, our daughter Sophie had the most difficult time. She cried. She railed against the decision. I didn’t have any words that would satisfy her anger. So I let her vent. I tried not to give her pat answers. As she got angrier, I prayed. I felt God say to me to tell her one reason why we were headed back to the States. (We’d kept a lot of the church struggle quiet). I sat her down and shared one of my personal struggles with living in France. At the end, she cried. “I’m so sorry, Mom. I didn’t know you went through that.” Giving her an age-appropriate snapshot of my heart in that moment quelled her anger. My authenticity turned our conversation around.

2. By Encouraging our Children in their own Paths

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” We often think of that verse this way: I’ll raise my child the way I think he should go. But the Scripture says “in the way he should go.” Conversation opens our eyes to the way God is leading our children. Not a week goes by that I don’t ask, “What are you going to be when you grow up?” Once, Julia responded, “I’m going to be a meat-catcher.”

“A meat catcher? What is that?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes, as if everyone should know what a meat catcher did. “It’s someone who catches meat and gives it to poor people.” Today, Julia scrounged pennies and nickels to collect money for disadvantaged kids in Africa. She toted a little box and made a sign. She’s recruiting her friends to donate. Our conversation, along with a hefty dose of observation, helps me see Julia’s heart. She may just spend her life helping the poor. As a conversational parent, it’s my job to identify that, encourage the unique gifts God has given her, and help her reach her goals.

3. By Dining Together

My friends Phil and Laina Graf are raising their kids in Europe. How do they help their children navigate everyday life in that dark city? By parenting around the dinner table. One evening they discussed an invitation where their daughter had been invited to a weekend with friends in another city, with no parental supervision.

“I knew what choice I wanted her to make,” Laina said, “but instead I chose to listen to her.” While they ate their meal, they engaged in a frank talk about sex and drugs and unsupervised weekends. “If I told her ‘no’ right at the beginning, I would have ended the conversation at that point. We long for our children to be able to create their own decision-making grid so they can establish their own healthy boundaries.” Instead, through a hearty discussion, her daughter decided not to go to the weekend, with the added benefit of emotional closeness with her parents (and a good meal to boot!)

4. By Demonstrating Humility

Isn’t authority what’s needed? To show kids who’s boss? While it’s important in the early years to establish authority, as our children grow up, they move from relating to us as authorities to relating to us as fellow-pilgrims. And as fellow-pilgrims, we stumble in life. Why not be honest about it?

If we can’t share our foibles with our children, if we present ourselves as having everything together, how will our children know we actually need Jesus? A conversational parent apologizes when she loses her temper. She admits she doesn’t know all the answers. She invites questions. Her humble admissions show her children that even parents fail, that children aren’t the only ones who sin. Demonstrated humility shows children how to behave when they’ve wronged someone. And admitting failure, though painful, shows a child how to repair a broken relationship and rebuild trust.

Conversational parenting is a great way to connect deeply with our children, particularly if we practice peripateo spirituality—something reminiscent of  Deuteronomy 6:6–7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” As we share our own stories, encourage our children in the way God has shaped them to go, discuss life around the dining table, and practice humililty, we’ll begin to see camaraderie in our homes, and, by God’s grace, we’ll prepare our children to meet the challenges this postmodern culture will throw their way. And all because of good conversations.

This article came from my book entitled, Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture. You can order it here if you’re interested. Right now it’s only a little more than five bucks!

It happened so long ago. Nearly forty years now. The picture at the top of this post is me, aged five. The year the boys came and took me away. Stole a year of my life. In ravines. Under trees. In a sheet-canopied bunk bed. With their friends in increasing number.

By grace, I faked sleep so they couldn’t take me.

By grace, we moved away from those boys.

By grace, though others would try to attack through the years, God gave me legs to run away. Far away, palms sweating, heart beating, mind remembering.

I’ve walked through years of healing. Folks prayed. A lot. Friends listened. Counselors unpacked the abuse. Books helped. My husband supported. And yet, the struggle remains. Less so, but it’s still there haunting.

I wrote a post, a very personal post, about how the marriage bed can be a place of healing for victims of sexual abuse. It’s blessed folks. I’m thankful. But there’s still a hint of that feeling of dirtiness that lingers. A place in the shadows where I beg God to show me beauty in the dark places. He has, oh He has. In thin places where the membrane between heaven and earth is sheer. I recounted His nearness in my memoir, Thin Places, where I bled on the page for the sake of others, so they would no longer feel alone.

I am not fully healed. I still fear. Sometimes I sleep. Or move away. Or run. But I’m closer to Jesus in the aftermath. He, who hung naked, fully exposed and humiliated on that cross. He who was victimized by others, yet also by my own sin. He who knew neglect, betrayal, fear. In a way, we share a deeper bond because I endured sexual abuse. He is a friend to the broken. He understands my pain. He walked through it on earth, and He continues to walk through it today. With me. With you. With millions of other victims.

I am not fully whole, but I am wholly loved by a holy God. I rest there today.

Want to see my story in three dimensions? Watch the video trailer to Thin Places here:

Only a few more weeks and Life in Defiance will release. May 11th to be exact. My editor says it’s the best book I’ve written. The trailer is below.

Stephen King, take note: here’s writing to aspire to., February 7, 2010

By	E. Resnick (Simi Valley, CA) – See all my reviews

Stephen King, take note: here’s writing to aspire to.

The richest, most effective prose takes you on a journey you’ll not soon forget in this wonderful novel. Not a purple word in the bunch, not a meretricious line to be found, nary a letter out of place. Mary E. DeMuth is the Rembrandt of novelists.

Characters and story so profound you’ll wonder why the store bookshelves today are so filled with pulp.

(And by the way, I’m not Christian or Catholic. I’m not another prattling zealot. Just an average reader.)

I met him the other day, my character Hixon. He weighed a little more than I expected, but his face, his eyes–this was him.

He made eye contact. He served. He smiled, but not overly so. His position seemed lowly, but I envisioned his influence in his place of work.

I touched his elbow, to garner attention for a second. “Thank you for serving us,” I told him. “I appreciate it.”

He smiled, as Hixons are apt to do. “Thanks,” he said.

Leaving Hixon that day, I realized something about my existence lately. I’ve been awfully isolated behind this desk, quite insulated from Hixons and Muriels and Emorys. I’ve not muddied myself in relationships, a bit overwhelmed at time pressures. But meeting “Hixon” made me want to embrace all folks, wherever I find them along my day. To get out of my house to see other people God created in His image. To love well. To risk loss.

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RULES/CONDITIONS: You can only enter once. However, if you post your review on your blog as well, please send us the link. We will add your name to the drawing a second time. We will draw names once we receive 100 entries. If we do not receive 100 entries, the contest will be canceled. Entrants have until October 15, 2009 at 11:59pm EST to send their review.

Yesterday I posted over at Proverbs 31 about domestic violence, offering support and encouragement to those going through it. Through email, several blogs, and the comment section, I received about 25 interactions from folks about their issues and struggles.

It saddened me that so few really talk about it. Shame, particularly in the church, prevents women from getting safe, or feeling okay about taking shelter.

It’s one reason why I wrote Daisy Chain and the Defiance, TX trilogy. I wanted to give a voice for those who are going through this painful ordeal. I wanted to echo what Chuck Colson said about abuse here.

If this is your story, or the story of a friend, please forward the link for the post, or take it to heart. Read through the comments section. Savor the resources posted here.

Though this does not reflect my own story, domestic violence has intersected our lives in different ways. We have been able to help a few “Sarah”s. And we’ve seen the effects domestic violence has had on spouses and children. The damage gets worse the more things remain hidden.

It’s easy to turn your back on a hurting family. If you happen to know one today, dare to be brave. Dare to help. You may be the only one to do so.

You have three ways in which you can participate. More specific details on how to participate will be sent out once you sign up. (To sign up, email Tina at info@blogtourspot.com)

Option 1: Writers – What better way to practice your writing than with some short and simple writing assignments? And your readers will not be disappointed since each project will ultimately reflect you. This option does not require reading the book.

Assignment: To be Announced

Option 2: Photographers – Love to take pictures and need an excuse to go shoot? For each tour, we’ll be suggesting themes and specific words to capture through photography. Upload your images to your blog and/or our Flickr group, and we’ll send people your way to see your art. No reading required. Note: images must be tasteful and appropriate for all audiences or they will be excluded from the tour.

Assignment: Capture the words “slow,” “burn,” “mystery,” and/or “snake.” Bonus if you represent the title “A Slow Burn.”

Option 3: Readers – Don’t worry! If you like receiving those books in the mail and reading and reviewing them, you still have the opportunity to do that as well. We will continue with our “standard” tours which allow you to receive a free book in exchange for posting a media release and/or review.

As always, we’ll have a centralized tour website which houses all of the information you need to post, including the author’s bio, photos, HTML code and canned interviews. You may also send up to 5 interview questions for the author to answer (questions are requested a week in advance of your posting date). To see how this works, visit Blog Tour Spot.

To join, just email Tina at info@blogtourspot.com and let her know which option(s) you prefer. You may do one or all of them. The reading option (option 3) is currently the only option that will receive a book for participating.

I am always looking for additional participants in our tours, so if you know anyone who might be interested please feel free to pass this information along.

I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,
Tina
The Blog Tour Spot