You don’t have to live marked by sexual abuse.

Healing is possible. I’ve walked the journey. And I want to see you find raucous, wild healing, to be set free from what has tormented you. I want you to hold this book in your hands, read its message of hope, and walk your own freedom path.

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Call a truce on the effects of sexual abuse.
I didn’t do this.

For far too many years. I resigned myself to let the rapes from the past mess with my head and heart. Flashbacks invaded my sleep. I startled far too easily. Sex within marriage became scary and complicated. I often wondered if I’d ever be normal. I even disconnected from those I loved the most.

The mark that sexual abuse gave me felt indelible, permanently inked with a Sharpie pen. And no matter of scrubbing erased it. (Have you ever felt this way?)

But they didn’t erase.

The pathway to healing came when I realized I needed to face the past again, to choose to heal for my sake and for the sake of those who loved me. I desperately needed freedom. Have you had this same ache?

You are not alone. Not Marked is my way of coming alongside you, cheering you toward a new, new life.

Not Marked will help you:

  • Find the courage to share your story—maybe for the first time.
  • Stop comparing your brokenness to others’ wholeness.
  • Understand the specific way God designed you to heal.
  • Identify safe people to entrust your healing journey to.
  • Embrace utter honestly about your abuse, even if that means anger toward God.

  • Discover how prayer helps you move from angst to alleluia.
  • Find the powerful antidote to bitterness.
  • Let go of accusatory thought patterns and grasp God’s affection for you.
  • Uncover an ancient pathway to healing.
  • Live the effervescent life you’ve longed for but could never quite grasp.

The only mark that remains is the mark of Jesus’ great affection for us.
Live and breathe there.

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The Author

Mary DeMuth is an author and speaker who loves to help people live uncaged, unmarked lives. As a five-year-old, she was repeatedly raped by neighborhood bullies and has spent many years processing and healing from that violation.

She’s the author of sixteen books, including six novels and her critically acclaimed memoir, Thin Places. After church planting in Southern France, Mary, her husband Patrick, and their three young adult kids now live in the burbs of Dallas.

She writes Not Marked with Patrick who has graciously and patiently walked alongside her as she healed from the scars of abuse. He’s a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and pastors a Life Group at Lakepointe Church.

I wish I could say that sexual abuse only affected me, but the truth is, other people are hurt because we’ve been hurt. It’s so not fair, but it’s reality.

That’s why I felt it extremely important to add Patrick’s voice to this project. After every chapter, he shares his perspective as the spouse of a victim, how he coped, what he did right and wrong, and how we healed together.

Not Marked is for those who have been exploited, but it’s also for those who want to help loved ones who can’t seem to get beyond their painful memories of sexual abuse.


Jeanne Damoff

Author and Speaker

"Mary DeMuth’s book, Not Marked, is a gift to anyone who has experienced sexual abuse, especially those who’ve suffered alone, silenced by fear or shame. It’s an invitation to hear and be heard. A doorway to real change. Mary’s openness about her own relentless, ongoing pursuit of healing encourages others to bravely face their past, to give and receive forgiveness, and to press on toward a hopeful and beautiful future. Boldly practical, gut-wrenchingly honest, and drenched with soul-refreshing empathy, Not Marked faces thorny questions head on and exposes lies, thereby stripping them of their power.

Mary’s advice regarding sexual intimacy in marriage is applicable even for those who haven’t suffered abuse, and her hard-won wisdom is underscored and enhanced by husband Patrick’s helpful insights, as he honestly shares the struggles and responsibilities of a sex-abuse victim’s spouse. Their journey as a couple reveals an important truth: Darkness flees before light, but first we have to let the light in, and that means revisiting the dark places. The good news? We don’t go alone. Jesus goes with us, and He not only reveals and redefines reality, He redeems it, beautifying even the deepest scars.

This book is a road map to restoration and real joy. I hope it finds its way into the hands of those who need it, and I pray the Healer meets them on the pages."

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"For all those who feel marked, tainted, and unnecessary on this earth:
I hope you close this book cleansed, renewed, and wholly loved, living an umarked story."
— Mary

Discover How Sexual Abuse Has Impacted You

Sexual Abuse Impact Quiz

Sexual abuse has far reaching impact in our lives, often years and years later. My hope in sharing this quiz is to help you identify possible ways it has hurt you, not so you feel marked and marred, but so you can understand the new places God wants you to heal. Feel free to use this quiz as a guide in the following ways:

  • Use it as a prayer list for yourself, or to share with a friend. The power of prayer is tangible, and having something concrete like this will help you (and others) pray intelligently for your healing.
  • Share it with a friend or spouse who has expressed interest in helping you. This will open their eyes to how they can specifically come alongside you.
  • Take this list to your counselor as a starting off point as you pursue healing.
  • Tuck it away and take the quiz again in a year to see how much you’ve grown.

I pray this quiz will be eye opening and helpful to you as you tenaciously pursue healing.

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