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Family Uncaged

God is good even without answers

41 Comments 16 October 2012

I’m in my bed trying to recover, off to the doctor in a bit. I wanted to update you so you can continue to pray for our family.

Julia remains the same. We’re looping in practically every specialist known to man to try to figure out what’s going wrong. She can walk a little better, but she the headaches come when she stands or sits up (yet no aura, no sensitivity to light, no vomiting), which makes me think it’s not a migraine. Plus the migraine med that was supposed to knock it out did NOTHING. I think that’s what sent me over the edge last night. I thought we knew what was up, only to realize we didn’t know squat.

What I know:

  1. Julia is the best place possible with the most amazing, caring, smart doctors. They are trying their best. They’re coordinating care, running an appropriate amount of tests. The specialists meet together, which is a very good thing.
  2. We are not ruling out spiritual warfare, by any count. We’ve prayed. Two pastors from church have prayed. Folks have prayed over the phone. People around the world have rallied. She’s cried out to God too. Which sometimes, to be honest, makes it even harder. The very real question becomes, Why won’t God let us know?
  3. It’s the not knowing that’s eating us up. Would you pray for either a true, real diagnosis? Or that God would give us peace if we never, ever know what’s wrong.
  4. Whatever this is, it doesn’t seem to be life threatening. I have to keep reminding myself of this.
  5. Our other two kids need prayer and support. Aidan is well surrounded by friends, as is Sophie, but I’m praying for more to step in and shoulder what they are going through.
  6. I have limits. I wish I didn’t. But I’m very tired and frail right now, mainly because I just came off a very emotional trip with no sleep right into the lion’s den of an undiagnosed disease. I need rest, but I’m not sure if that’s plausible right now.
  7. All of us want this to be over. I am praying this is not a long haul thing.
  8. God is working. He is on the throne, and He makes himself evident through the loving deeds of His church. I love Him for it.
  9. Patrick is shouldering most of this and needs prayer too. He is very strong and wholly capable, but I know he must be bewildered.

I’m surprised I can write right now. I’m thankful for you and your prayers. I’m sorry I can’t return emails or comment here, but be assured I read every one. Sometimes I read them to Julia, which seems to help.

We will rest in God.

I’m reminded of this:

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:23

and

When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! (James 1:2 JB Phillips translation).

Please pray we’d have harmony as a family as we walk through this. Pray we’d learn the art of welcoming trials as friends, not as intruders. Pray we’d love each other well and be gracious to the hospital staff. Pray God would provide great support for our other two kids. Pray for provision. Pray for stress alleviation. Pray for health. Thank you.

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  • Mothering From Scratch

    {Melinda} Mary, I am praying for your sweet Julia. I have a nearly 13-year-old son with cystic fibrosis, so when I hear of other kids battling illness, it always makes my heart hurt. I can so relate to the agony of not have a diagnosis. We lived in that place for months. I hope and pray your wait is much shorter and that the doctors can then give Julia what her body needs. I can tell you this: God has given us what we’ve needed each day of these last almost 13 years. It has not always been easy, but He is good. I know there are no words right now. But please know I am praying every time your sweet girl crosses my mind.

  • http://www.janiscox.com/ Janis Cox

    Continuing to pray for Julia, knowing that your peace and trust in Jesus will help her get better. Praying for no negativity to come forth – that you all be blessed with a peace that no one can fathom. Jesus will prevail. He is the Conquerer and the Healer. Praying hard for Julia to be healed. Blessings, Jan

  • Amy Van Vleck

    Mary – I am praying for you from a place of real understanding. When our son was almost 3, he ended up at Children’s with a mysterious bone infection. It could have threatened his ability to walk and play sports as he grew, but thanks to a very insightful pediatrician, he was sent to Children’s immediately. She told me to pack a bag and plan to be there for 2-3 days. We stayed for seven – it was a troubling, difficult experience. The tests, the crying, the incessant beeping, the fatigue, the meds. Thankfully, he came home with a PIC line in his right arm and we had a crash-course in nursing. We had to administer antibiotics every 6 hours for six entire weeks. Poor thing — and I’m referring to my husband who had the night shifts! ;) All of that is to say that I KNOW the fatigue, the worry, and the motherly pain you are experiencing. And I am praying for you from that knowledge. I also know that God is a Healer (as do you), and that He is faithful (it’s been proven in my life so many times). Please know that I will continue to pray until I read something that makes me stop. And please know that it will be okay – rest will come, answers may come, and ultimately, Jesus will come!

  • Anne Peterson

    Lord, I pray for this family you created. I pray for the pain to diminish. I pray Father, that you would continue to uphold this family. Give them peace that you promised which passes understanding, embrace them Lord in your arms. Bind the enemy who whispers lies. Father let them rest without answers knowing You know what is happening to this one they love. I pray for Julia. You knit her in Mary’s womb. You see each part You made. Father, ease her pain. Help her lean hard on You, Lord. And let her feel your presence as never before. Give Patrick strength Lord, as a man wants to protect his family. Help him as he sees he may be helpless in this, but You are his help. God you alone know how Mary feels for you told us as a mother comforts You will comfort us. Father, she needs that comfort. And Lord, we continue to give you the praise, for we ask it in your Son’s precious name. In Jesus’ name, amen.

  • Del Marie Riley

    My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I know how horriffying it is to sit and watch your daughter be in so much pain and there is nothing you can do. My daughter was hit in a head on collision in June. Thank you Jesus, she’s alive and well today. I have read a lot of the comments and some suggested illnesses. However, I am still being pulled to ask if they have tested her for psuedotumor cerebri (sorry for the spelling), also called intracranial hypertension. It is where there is too much fluid around the brain and spinal cord pressure is increased. I have it and its not fun but its very treatable. I take a medicine called Diamox and it keeps the headaches at bay most of the time. I do hope they find out what’s wrong. I sometimes have to remind myself, He won’t bring you to it, unless He’s going to bring you through it. May God hear our prayers and pour out His grace upon you.

  • Debbie

    ah, Mary…Please, LORD.

  • cherri Jenkins

    dengue fever? Lymes disease?

  • http://www.facebook.com/kelly.a.liberto Kelly Anne Liberto

    Blessings over all of you~ prayers going up to the throne room.

  • http://www.newequus.wordpress.com/ Mindy @ New Equus

    Praying for some answers for you and your family, Mary!

  • Mart Ramirez

    Still praying for you! Hugs!

  • http://twitter.com/lorimcspeaks Lori McClure

    Continued prayers for Julia and for all of you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/leigh.hudson.16 Leigh Hudson

    Mary, I went through a similar scenario of unexplained debilitating symptoms followed by tons of medical tests all negative. Yet the pain continued. I could physically see the swelling. So could the docs. Still no answer. I prayed and my family & friends prayed and it continued. With no answers. I remember one night in particular I had to leave work early because I was in so much agony. I went home, got into the tub full of hot hot water (which helped only a bit) and bending over the side of the tub I cried Why is God not helping me get a diagnosis? Why is nothing helping? I know God is sovereign but when you are in the crucible of illness that affects all of your life, you just want answers. I remember telling God no matter what it was I could take it. I just wanted to know. So I could put to rest all my thoughts about what if it is this…or what if it is that…I even researched rare diseases and had it narrowed down. Only to find out that wasn’t it. I had been on a medication that was helping with the swelling but not the pain. I became despondent. I remember feeling like this was what I would live like for the rest of my life. Depression set in. I continued to trust God but still had no answers. I tried to find a new normal. After a long season, I finally found a medication that worked. I finally had answers. Sort of. At least the treatment is working.
    I am sorry you guys are going through this. I’m not going to tell you I know how you feel. I don’t. I know how I felt. And God heard all about it, believe me!
    I’m praying for you guys daily. My family and FB & twitter peeps are too. May God be glorified through your suffering…

  • http://twitter.com/RLeigh1 R. Leigh

    Will continue to pray for you Mary…She’s at the right age, maybe POTS? Many doctors miss this diagnosis but I was wondering. (Positional Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) It’s worth a Google at least. Alot of her symptoms would be explained.

  • http://theemptynestexpress.com/ Ms. Kathleen

    This sounds so much like what my daughter went through with the very blizarre – rocking mountain spotted fever the non spotted variety – There was one doctor who thought it was mono – but they soon ruled that out… The headaches…this all sounds weirdly familiar but Lord Jesus, whatever this weird thing is we ask for your healing rain to fall down upon Julie and her entire family – They all belong to you… Glory rain down!

  • http://profiles.google.com/nicoleodell6 Nicole O’Dell

    Thanks for the specific prayer requests. Praying like crazy!

  • Elizabeth Stewart

    At the risk of you thinking I’m a crazy person, this sounds like the same symptoms my sister in law had. She thought she might lose her mind from the head pain. With no diagnosis, the drs. thought it might be psychological! Their missions sending organization sent her to every known specialist in the U.S. In the end, her Dr. from Nigeria, (she was a missionary on home on furlough), insisted she had brucellosis and that they test for it the same way they do in Africa. Sure enough, that’s what it was. ( This can be from exposure to animals with it, or from raw milk, cheese, or meat from an animal.)

  • http://www.ordinaryservant.com/ Pilar Arsenec

    I send you love, prayers and blessings. I feel everything you are saying. I am so sorry. I wish I could do more for you. I honestly would, even though I don’t know you personally. I feel compassion for Julia, you and your family. This situation is scary and disconcerting. I have been praying fervently. You all don’t leave me thoughts since this first happened. I also don’t feel at ease when something is unknown or unexplained. So I completely identify and understand all you are feeling. I pray for a good report, I want to believe this will pass and I will stand with you in prayer until it does.

  • Lilly Maytree

    Dear Jesus, I stand shoulder to shoulder with this family, to rebuke the devourer and bind any enemy that would come against them in these days of their greatest effect for You. I ask that you would send angels to help in whatever battles they face, and that you would preserve, protect, and strengthen each member in everything that they do. I call them blessed and highly favored in their goings out, and their comings in, and that you would exchange their fears for your faith that you have so generously promised to finish for us, when we cannot finish for ourselves.

    I pray especially for Julia, Lord, that you would reveal Yourself to her in a mighty way, sending — at this very moment — an anointing “that would “break the yoke of bondage” (Isaiah 10:27) that this experience has attempted to bring upon her. Let her hear your voice, let her know your call upon her life, and let her be a shining witness for the magnificence and power of God in these trying times.

    “Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I WILL DELIVER YOU, and you shall glorify me.” (Psalm 50:15)

    Joining with all those who are calling on behalf of Julia, in her day of trouble, Lord… calling and receiving. Thanking you for this most amazing girl, and her wonderful family. For her healing, and theirs, that will glorify YOU.

  • Darren

    Bad accent boy and family praying without ceasing.

  • http://www.tammyhelfrich.com/ Tammy Helfrich

    Still praying for you. Julia, you are loved by God and many. Praying for rest, peace, and a diagnosis.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shannon.mccolaughwaterman Shannon McColaugh Waterman

    Still praying, Mary. This is been nagging me the past few days. Have they ruled out any kind of chiropractic problem? If you have one, or have a strong recommendation from someone, you might check it out. I have a wonderful chiro who took me through the worst head/neck pain last year – it was worse than childbirth, to the point that I had no use of the muscles in my neck (and I’m one tough cookie). Just a thought. I’m praying my little heart out for you all. God sees you, both as a family and individually. He hears you as you all cry out to Him. You have not been overlooked. You are His.

  • http://www.anointedwithgrace.com/ Allison

    Mary, as I prayed for you and Julia this morning, this verse came to mind; Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. (Psalm 30:5). And then it led me to write this blog post…http://wp.me/puG3m-wz. Praying for God’s protection for your family and for his Light and Hope to shine through this darkness. So many are praying and I believe this struggle is for a purpose. He is in control. Love to you!

  • http://twitter.com/WriteAboutHere The Write Life

    Mary, for you & Julia: Praise and Devotion for Today and Every Day: Rushing Wind (Keith Green) https://twitter.com/WriteAboutHere/status/246683584323276800 | http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk7w4y_9B2k

    You, Julia, and all of your family are in my daily prayers.

    Your sister in Christ,
    Melanye

  • http://www.facebook.com/michelle.m.cooper Michelle M. Cooper

    Oh how my heart is heavy for you as a mother myself. I will pray for you and Patrick to stay strong for Julia. And I will pray for the doctors’ minds and hands as they take care of your daughter, and last not but least, I will pray for your family to have peace in your hearts as you try to find answers!

  • http://www.juliebarnhill.com Julie Barnhill

    Still here. Still bugging God. He’s going to get reeeeaaaaal tired of me knocking on that door, so be prepared for His answer. *smile* LOVE YOU, Mary, and your sweet children and Patrick. I can say such because we are loved by One who unites us all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erin-Cook-Szczerba/564743125 Erin Cook Szczerba

    Jackson and I will be praying for you and Julia together tonight. May God ease your pain and give you all rest.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Terrie-Todd/701937533 Terrie Todd

    Praying here in Canada. I think we’re a little closer to Heaven here, aren’t we? :) We don’t know when, but the day is coming when all your questions will be answered and all your tears dried. Meanwhile, both are precious to the Father so let them flow.

  • http://twitter.com/robinluftig Robin Luftig

    You’re doing all the right things and thinking all the right thoughts. And your honesty and transparancy show that you have opened your heart to what will carry you through. Now is when we have to learn to stand back and watch God’s hand move in a mighty way. Will continue to pray for you all.

  • Pam M.

    Dear one — NO ONE is expecting you to respond to literally hundreds of prayer/well-wishing emails. You have way too much on your plate already. Just try to rest in the knowledge that God was NOT surprised by any of this, that He is in control and is at work. Even though it doesn’t look nor feel like He’s in control or at work. Thank you, Mary, for being so specific in your prayer needs. Still hoping and praying for a breakthrough, some clear-cut answers/diagnoses, and for others in your circle of friends and family to step in and help to share the burden, especially where your other daughter and son are concerned.

    I certainly agree with you in not ruling out spiritual warfare. This is it at its harshest.

    Much love,
    Pam

  • http://www.facebook.com/susan.stitch Susan Shipley Stitch

    Praying your last paragraph outloud. Praying for answers, praying for peace, praying for pain to cease.

  • http://godspotting.net Sheila Seiler Lagrand

    Here. Praying. Not going anywhere.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Katherine-Harms/602268732 Katherine Harms

    How wonderful that you have doctors who work together and talk with you and each other. That is a real blessing. How wonderful that your family cares for one another. What a blessing to know that as you pray for Julia, her faith joins yours, and as she prays, your faith joins hers. I pray that these blessings may comfort you as you walk in the weariness of not knowing. May there be pain relief for Julia. I’m so sad that the migraine medicine did not work. May God keep all of you strong and faithful to him and to each other.

  • http://sandraheskaking.com/ Sandra Heska King

    Still here in the circle…

  • Sara Rojas

    You don’t know me at all and I only know you briefly from these few days reading your blog but what matters is we’re both known by the only One who matters at all. I’ll continue to be in prayer for your family, for Julia, for the doctors, for healing and for God to do whatever it is that He needs to do so this trial will end.

  • Jyoti Arora

    I hope and pray all this would soon be over and better, happier days would return soon! I’m sure God is very near the child and watching over her, and over you all. All will be well. Hold on!

  • http://www.KariDay.com/ Kari Day

    Praying for you… hugging you virtually.

  • LauraLee

    Continuing to pray for all you mentioned and in every other way the Holy Spirit leads. Much love in Christ to your family.

  • Deanna

    Mary, I can’t begin to imagine the depths of your pain and bewilderment. I didn’t think that it was migraines but I had hoped for the sake of answers that it would be true. But mostly I pray that you find a peace, a clear answer would be nice. But if not possible, I pray that God give all of your family a peace in this situation. Julia seems like she is handling this rather well. I am amazed at how well you seem to be handling this in spite of your struggles.

    Remember that as long as you are clinging to Jesus, and I know you are, that Satan can’t win. So even if it is spiritual warfare, you are doing well and standing so strong in Jesus. When doing all you can, remember to stand. God has this in the palm of his hand. God can bring healing to Julia, your raw emotions and the emotions of everyone involved.

  • http://twitter.com/TanyaDennis Tanya Dennis

    Love you. Praying for you. Wish I could do more.

  • http://alwaysalleluia.com/ Kris Camealy

    cirlcling you all in prayer, sweet Mary…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1019771404 Deb Anderson Weaver

    Praying for your whole family…May God continue to wrap and envelop you in His peace, grace, strength, and hope. May He guide the thoughts and decisions of the medical staff. May He send help and encouragement through friends and strangers. May He uphold you with His righteous right hand as he promises in Isaiah 41:10. May He grant sweet rest whenever possible. May He calm your fears with His presence and His peace.

    Deb Weaver
    thewordweaver.com

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