France Glimpse 1: Without Words

France glimpse 1: without words

13 Comments 25 April 2011

I’m revising some old posts from our time in France to give you a glimpse of what our lives were like there, as well as to highlight some of the lessons I learned. I still don’t write publicly about how our time went there, but I’m comfortable with this week’s glimpse. I’ve kept the comments there too, to complete the picture. As I look back on these posts, I see how much deep, lasting growth happened in the pain. I’m so very thankful.

If you’d like to read more about France and how we managed to heal from our time there, sign up for my newsletter to receive the missing chapter of Thin Places, which has my thoughts on ministry in retrospect.

So if you’re going through it right now, stop a moment and anticipate the future. You will grow. You will be stronger. You will have more faith. Rest there.

***

I walked the drippy, muddy route to school today, hood hanging over my head. I probably looked like a ringwraith, all black and sodden. As I neared the school’s wrought iron gate, I was overcome by an emotion. Loneliness.

Penetrating as the rain around me, I felt alone. Utterly. I spoke no words to others, although I scolded myself for not doing so. I’m a missionary, after all. Missionaries are supposed to carpe diem, seize the day. But, I held my tongue and worried that I’d never have the courage or ability to speak redemptive, friendship-oozing words in French. Perhaps someday.

But today, under the low clouds of Southern France, I felt alone. Maybe it’s because I process things verbally. Maybe it’s because my emerging friendships are in their embryonic stage. Maybe it’s because I have too many words and not enough ears to hear them. I never realized how much I needed to talk, and how lovely it is for another woman to listen to me.

Thankfully, my youngest two children ran out of the gate, smiling and eager to see me. They shared their precious words with me as we ran and rambled home. Just being near them made me smile, and their smiles pulled me a little further away from the loneliness.

I love Jesus for so many reasons. Today I love Him because he gave me the chatter of my children.

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Shawn

Dear Mary,
I am lonely today. There was a time I had loads of friends. They’d call, stop by, catch me at the store, meet me for lunch, call me about their problems, share our sadnesses, losses, happinesses, and gains with me. Over time there remains very few friends in my life. At one time our church family was thriving and growing, these days we are down to our core group and because my church family became my life that is all I have left. Now these very same members no longer have time for me and I am burned out on them. They want me to do do do but are never there for me. My sisters only call when they need to cry on my shoulder or need something. I am just feeling so lonely today.
I know it will pass. It is especially worse when I have a day off from work and no one to spend it with.
Thanks for reading.

Anonymous

Oh that is so hard, Shawn. May the Lord bless you with perspective and peace as you spend the day alone (yet with Him.) I pray now for the Lord to send you one good, sweet, giving friend. Amen.

siouxsiepoet

mary, the thought of you walking sadly, lonely in the place where God has called you makes my heart ache. i understand. i hear you. i walk alone too. and as i said to a dear friend, i’d rather be lonely with God than popular, i can’t do what it takes to be popular. i simply can’t. you can learn french, you will grow in certainty there, don’t fret. these trials can be overcome and thank GOD for children (they bless us in so many ways). you are in my heart and prayers. i miss you dearly. suz
siouxsiepoet

mary, the thought of you walking sadly, lonely in the place where God has called you makes my heart ache. i understand. i hear you. i walk alone too. and as i said to a dear friend, i’d rather be lonely with God than popular, i can’t do what it takes to be popular. i simply can’t. you can learn french, you will grow in certainty there, don’t fret. these trials can be overcome and thank GOD for children (they bless us in so many ways). you are in my heart and prayers. i miss you dearly. suz
Paula

Oh Mary, may God enter the lonely places with His presence and send a girlfriend to chatter with as well. You’re on my heart!
Paula

Oh Mary, may God enter the lonely places with His presence and send a girlfriend to chatter with as well. You’re on my heart!
Jeanne Damoff

Mordor Ken? Maybe. But I’m thinking a yummy Aragorn Ken would be better. Never mind the whole Arwyn the Evenstar thing. Ringwraith Barbie will win his heart with her impressive Frenchness. What Middle Earth future king could resist “Ou est ma tete?” He’ll be toast.
Jeanne Damoff

Mordor Ken? Maybe. But I’m thinking a yummy Aragorn Ken would be better. Never mind the whole Arwyn the Evenstar thing. Ringwraith Barbie will win his heart with her impressive Frenchness. What Middle Earth future king could resist “Ou est ma tete?” He’ll be toast.
relevantgirl

LOL, friend! Let’s keep this marketing bonanza a secret,shall we? Ringwraith Barbie! Perfect for Mordor Ken and scary Elfish Skipper. Somehow Frodo Ken just doesn’t fly for me. M
relevantgirl

LOL, friend! Let’s keep this marketing bonanza a secret,shall we? Ringwraith Barbie! Perfect for Mordor Ken and scary Elfish Skipper. Somehow Frodo Ken just doesn’t fly for me.

M
Jeanne Damoff

Voila! You’ve inspired me. Tell me what you think of this: Ringwraith Barbie. Pull her string and she utters the only three French phrases she knows: “Je ne parle pas plus de Francais.” “Ou est ma tete?” and, most importantly, “Je sais la reine reynardy!”I need to contact Mattel before anyone swipes this idea. And don’t worry. I’ll send you one to provide the chatter while your kids are at school. Jesus is good. You are never alone.xo
Jeanne Damoff

Voila! You’ve inspired me. Tell me what you think of this: Ringwraith Barbie. Pull her string and she utters the only three French phrases she knows: “Je ne parle pas plus de Francais.” “Ou est ma tete?” and, most importantly, “Je sais la reine reynardy!”

I need to contact Mattel before anyone swipes this idea. And don’t worry. I’ll send you one to provide the chatter while your kids are at school.

Jesus is good. You are never alone.

xo