Eternal perspective enables friendships to sanctify us

When we head to the Christian bookstore to buy a flowery gift book for a friend, we certainly wouldn’t gravitate toward the title Thanks for Making me Angry and Messing with my Selfishness. Part of living life for eternity is asking God to change our hearts, to move us from selfishness to selflessness. Although I sometimes wish the sanctification process would occur in a vacuum, I’ve come to understand that God uses the friendships in our lives to hone us and make us more like Him.

God designed the Body of Christ to grow up together: “Under his direction, the whole body is fitted together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.” (Ephesians 4: 16 NLT) How beautiful that scripture sounds! How hard it is to implement! Especially when some people in Jesus’ fold are hard to love.

Mattie (not her real name) phoned and told me she’d be flying to visit me for a week. My calendar was full, including work. Still, I cleared some things and tried to make her stay enjoyable. It was not. Through tears, she told me how selfish I’d been not to spend more time with her. When she got home, she returned all the letters I’d ever sent her and ended our friendship. I never heard from her again. Although I knew her reaction was a bit extreme, I thought a long time about my selfishness. Echoes of her rebuke stay with me today, teaching me the dangers of me-centered living.

The most important friendship lesson we learn is forgiveness. I had to forgive Mattie for sending back my letters, just as she has (hopefully) forgiven me for my selfishness. Not only does God’s amazing forgiveness effect eternity—we can now go to heaven because of the gift of His Son on the cross—but it also enables us to forgive those friends who have wounded us. Paul encourages us in Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Forgiveness is the ticket to living at peace with friends. It’s not the same as reconciliation—an act that takes two people. As much as we can, we must forgive. Some friendships will end, like Mattie’s and mine. However, even then, I can rejoice because of eternal perspective. One day, Mattie and I will be blessedly stripped of our sinful natures. We’ll be able to see each other as we were meant to be: fully sanctified. I look forward to sipping tea with Mattie in heaven someday.

God also uses the Matties in our lives as mirrors to our character. He uses difficult friends to smooth away our prejudices and unkind reactions. He uses close friends to say the hard things. Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” One day a friend told me, “Mary, you have many talents, but you seldom realize others’ talents.” Ouch! Yet, those words have ricocheted through my head every time I meet someone new. I want to honor the gifts of others now, because someone dared to point out my character flaw.

Related posts:

1. Friends part one
2. Friends part two
3. The Beauty of Growing Friends
4. Among Friends in Laughter and Heartache
5. Crying Over Prose