Why Can’t I Celebrate?

14 Comments 21 October 2005

I think my friend Jeanne Damoff needs to live with me. She’s the jollification queen. I love her love of life and her ability to laugh even when life smacks her. But mostly, I love that she celebrates.

It’s something I lack, celebration.

Two days ago I learned a publisher was offering a contract. If all goes well, it will be the fifth contract I’ve signed in 24 months. Enough to make a normal person’s head spin! But I’m afraid to dance, to celebrate.

I’m afraid if I do celebrate, somehow everything will go to my head. Somehow I link partying with pride. So I stay reserved. Subdued. All the while I have this Jeanne-like fairy dancing inside wanting to jump and holler!

Patrick says to celebrate. He says he doesn’t see me in danger of pride, but if I inched close to that precipice, he’d kindly let me know. So, I have the freedom to jump and shout. Why don’t I?

Perhaps it’s what I’m working on with my friend Brandy, my personal coach. She’s helping me work through my glass-half-empty view of life. To be honest, I’m sick sick sick of my pessimism. Tired of the boring, mean voices in my head that berate me. I’m learning to distinguish what is true, what is false. And I’m seeing that I’m missing out on the stuff of life because of my hesitancy to wallow in joy and thankfulness.

I am slowly realizing that truth that Jesus loves me. Simple, I know. But for so often I’ve lived under the word “unworthy” that I’ve lived like I believed it. I have thought that I’m unworthy of happiness, of celebration. But Jesus died on the cross and welcomed me to the greatest party of all: the Body of Christ, His church. He died so that I could have life. Real life. Belly-laughing life. He came to set us all free.

Free people celebrate. I’m learning to. Even if it’s smiling at good news. It’s all a part of the journey Jesus has me on, a journey from slavery to freedom.

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relevantgirl

Katherine, I’m glad my words make you think. I pray you celebrate well today.
relevantgirl

Katherine, I’m glad my words make you think. I pray you celebrate well today.
Katherine

Thank you for opening up this topic. Definintely resonates with me. You’re making me nod my head and purse my lips and think…
Katherine

Thank you for opening up this topic. Definintely resonates with me. You’re making me nod my head and purse my lips and think…
relevantgirl

Ame, good thoughts.Jeanne, the jollification room is ready for you.Katy, Party on, dear one!Brandy, very true. Laughing here gives us anticipation of heaven.
relevantgirl

Ame, good thoughts.

Jeanne, the jollification room is ready for you.

Katy, Party on, dear one!

Brandy, very true. Laughing here gives us anticipation of heaven.
Brandy Prince

Mary,This is why I love the picture some artist came up with that has Jesus, head thrown back, laughing. I know he was serious, focused and divine. –But really, I bet he knew how to party! Anytime I celebrate here on earth, it will certainly be imperfect. However, even though it’s only a shadow of the celebration to come, it still reminds me and points me towards the heavenly celebration I know that waits for me.Looking at it that way, your happy dance is a very spiritual thing
Brandy Prince

Mary,

This is why I love the picture some artist came up with that has Jesus, head thrown back, laughing. I know he was serious, focused and divine. –But really, I bet he knew how to party!

Anytime I celebrate here on earth, it will certainly be imperfect. However, even though it’s only a shadow of the celebration to come, it still reminds me and points me towards the heavenly celebration I know that waits for me.

Looking at it that way, your happy dance is a very spiritual thing
Katy

Mary, Girl, I know what you mean. I hesitate to celebrate, too. Like whatever the good gift is might be snatched away if I have the audacity to rejoice too soon or too much. I’m getting better, though. What’s the worst that could happen (besides that pride thing, which SO doesn’t seem like you…)? If you celebrate and then the good thing doesn’t pan out after all, you still worked in a darned good party!!! Sounds good to me!
Katy

Mary, Girl, I know what you mean. I hesitate to celebrate, too. Like whatever the good gift is might be snatched away if I have the audacity to rejoice too soon or too much. I’m getting better, though. What’s the worst that could happen (besides that pride thing, which SO doesn’t seem like you…)? If you celebrate and then the good thing doesn’t pan out after all, you still worked in a darned good party!!! Sounds good to me!
Jeanne Damoff

Let me know when my room is ready, and I’ll be there–jollification busting the seams of my suitcase!The more I get to know people, the more I realize how common that feeling of unworthiness is. On the one hand, we ARE unworthy. We’ve fallen short. We’ve grieved God and hurt people created in His image. But that’s what makes the other hand so amazing! God chose us anyway and set His love upon us. He knows exactly how weak and pathetic we are, but He also knows what redemption will do in us. Shouldn’t we rejoice in His workmanship? Because that’s what we are. I love what Ame said about the airplane. Whenever I fly I think about life from God’s perspective–how teensy all the people are driving around in their weensy cars with the “hugeness” of their problems filling their heads. And I want to yell down, “From up here you’re just a speck among specks, but God knows your thoughts before you think them. Relax and enjoy the view.”Go ahead and dance, Mary. Patrick loves you too much to watch you plummet off the precipice of pride. And thanks for wanting me there to jollify with you. That thought is a beautiful gift to me. In fact, it’s so nice, I think it calls for a celebration. Don’t you?
Jeanne Damoff

Let me know when my room is ready, and I’ll be there–jollification busting the seams of my suitcase!

The more I get to know people, the more I realize how common that feeling of unworthiness is. On the one hand, we ARE unworthy. We’ve fallen short. We’ve grieved God and hurt people created in His image.

But that’s what makes the other hand so amazing! God chose us anyway and set His love upon us. He knows exactly how weak and pathetic we are, but He also knows what redemption will do in us. Shouldn’t we rejoice in His workmanship? Because that’s what we are.

I love what Ame said about the airplane. Whenever I fly I think about life from God’s perspective–how teensy all the people are driving around in their weensy cars with the “hugeness” of their problems filling their heads. And I want to yell down, “From up here you’re just a speck among specks, but God knows your thoughts before you think them. Relax and enjoy the view.”

Go ahead and dance, Mary. Patrick loves you too much to watch you plummet off the precipice of pride. And thanks for wanting me there to jollify with you. That thought is a beautiful gift to me. In fact, it’s so nice, I think it calls for a celebration. Don’t you?
Ame

While flying one day and looking out the window at the unmeasurable Beauty of God’s creation, I realized that few see what I saw that day because few are in an airplane thirty thousand feet about the ground at the same place at the same time. And it hit me . . . or more like washed over me like an enormous, life-changing wave: God created infinite Beauty that we NEVER see! That NO one ever sees! He created Beauty for HIS enjoyment! Because He LOVES Beauty and Joy!Where, along the way, humans determined that celebrating Beauty and Joy, especially in it’s purest forms when gifts from Almighty God, befuddles me. And then we determined to pass that on to the generations after us until people like us grew up with this cloud of “be fearful of pride” hanging over our heads.We can have this amazing Confidence in Christ and NOT be arrogant. I work hard to plant that in the minds and hearts of my girls. Then I realize that no matter how much I speak it, if I don’t live it then it will never grow in their lives. So, I too am working to shed all the weighty layers of lies plastered on my heart and soul over the years so that I can not only become free but so that I can truly LIVE free! I’m not there yet, but I do have my wonderful moments!From what I read, you are not in danger of thinking or believing you are God or that you can live your life better than God can. That’s the pride we need to fear.Put on some great music and dance . . . and celebrate the amazing and Beautiful gift God has given YOU! Congratulations!!!!! Would it not bring unspeakable joy to your heart if the gift you carefully created and gave to someone you love dearly caused them to rise up and dance and celebrate upon receipt? Your Celebration of God’s gifts to you is really a gift returned to God as He relishes in the joy and laughter brought about by His tangible love lavished on you Then extend your celebration to include your children when they come home from school. Then let your children plan another celebration for when your husband comes home! What FUN!!! Ann Hutson ps – I’ll try to meet Patrick this weekend. I’m kinda floating around looking for a new ABF home as I’m going through my divorce, so I’ll visit one of Kenny’s classes.
Ame

While flying one day and looking out the window at the unmeasurable Beauty of God’s creation, I realized that few see what I saw that day because few are in an airplane thirty thousand feet about the ground at the same place at the same time. And it hit me . . . or more like washed over me like an enormous, life-changing wave: God created infinite Beauty that we NEVER see! That NO one ever sees! He created Beauty for HIS enjoyment! Because He LOVES Beauty and Joy!

Where, along the way, humans determined that celebrating Beauty and Joy, especially in it’s purest forms when gifts from Almighty God, befuddles me. And then we determined to pass that on to the generations after us until people like us grew up with this cloud of “be fearful of pride” hanging over our heads.

We can have this amazing Confidence in Christ and NOT be arrogant. I work hard to plant that in the minds and hearts of my girls. Then I realize that no matter how much I speak it, if I don’t live it then it will never grow in their lives.

So, I too am working to shed all the weighty layers of lies plastered on my heart and soul over the years so that I can not only become free but so that I can truly LIVE free! I’m not there yet, but I do have my wonderful moments!

From what I read, you are not in danger of thinking or believing you are God or that you can live your life better than God can. That’s the pride we need to fear.

Put on some great music and dance . . . and celebrate the amazing and Beautiful gift God has given YOU! Congratulations!!!!! Would it not bring unspeakable joy to your heart if the gift you carefully created and gave to someone you love dearly caused them to rise up and dance and celebrate upon receipt? Your Celebration of God’s gifts to you is really a gift returned to God as He relishes in the joy and laughter brought about by His tangible love lavished on you Then extend your celebration to include your children when they come home from school. Then let your children plan another celebration for when your husband comes home! What FUN!!! Ann Hutson

ps – I’ll try to meet Patrick this weekend. I’m kinda floating around looking for a new ABF home as I’m going through my divorce, so I’ll visit one of Kenny’s classes.